


growing only happens on your own

by SaltyPistachio



Series: gohoyo [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Summertime Sadness, Summertime Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25510903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyPistachio/pseuds/SaltyPistachio
Summary: As she mused all this, she turned the corner and found herself faced with a curious sight.In front of the library was a girl that Adora had never seen before. She held a leash in her hand, but instead of the rope slacking near the ground, it was guided upwards towards the large oak tree’s branches, where Adora could spot a lazy tail swishing in front of the girl’s scowling face.orIt's summertime at Bright Moon, and Adora has to share a room with Casta's new foster daughter.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: gohoyo [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858348
Comments: 136
Kudos: 375





	1. saturday sun

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [bazaarworlds (aka bazaar)](https://bazaarwords.tumblr.com/) and [Micah](https://bow-woahh.tumblr.com/) for looking it over and giving me the confidence to post this in the first place, whether they are aware of it or not. Special shoutout to [beantow](https://catrugh.tumblr.com/) who was the first one to actually see the mess inside my mind and cleaned most of it up so that I could present it to you.

Summers, Adora thought, were made for road trips and beaches and whatever else teenagers in John Hughes’ movies did. Not for lacrosse practice on what felt like the hottest day of the year. 

Granted, the team didn’t actually practice that day, just went through some tapes of their past games, but it was the principle of things. 

She was on her way to the library to help Bow reshelve some library books. Usually, she avoided the library if she didn’t have any homework to do since she and her friends would often leave with a stern lecture from George and Lance about “controlling their volume” and “managing their limbs around priceless artifacts”—with pointed looks at Adora. But the library had A/C and besides, Glimmer was at home helping Angella get the house ready for their guests. 

Which was a reason why Adora stalled on going home. The main reason really. 

Glimmer’s aunt had recently had an incident that left her technically homeless. Apparently, the ceiling in her house had caved in and left her house inhospitable. So Casta was going to stay with her brother’s family until it was repaired, along with her new foster daughter.

Adora didn’t know all the details. None, if she was being honest. All she knew was from what Micah and Angella had shared, which was that Casta had taken in a girl around their age. But that was back in December and no new information had been divulged. Although Glimmer had overheard a whispered conversation between her parents and conspiratorially shared the information with Bow and Adora. 

Adora remembered lying on her bed, feet up against the wall and her head hanging over the side while listening to Bow talk about how underrated the Pixar movie _Brave_ was. 

“I mean, come on! It’s a story about family and magic and feminism! How is this movie not in everyone’s top ten?”

“I don’t know,” Adora teased, “I think you just like it because she has a bow and arrow.”

Bow shrugged guiltily and was about to say more when Glimmer rushed in and slammed the door behind her. 

Adora propped herself up on her elbows and almost threw out her back trying to twist around and point a finger at Glimmer. “Hey, watch my door. You break it, you buy it.”

Glimmer rolled her eyes. “Oh please, Adora. Who’s the one who helped you cover up the hole in the living room after you tried to backflip the hackysack and rammed your foot in the wall?” 

Adora raised her pointer finger in the air, mouth ready to refute the statement before she gave up and flopped back to her original position. 

“Now, back to what I was saying.” Glimmer made a running leap towards Adora’s bed, crashing headfirst into Adora’s legs and sending her own flying dangerously close to Bow’s face. She sat against the wall and faced her friends. “So you guys remember that my Aunt Casta started fostering a girl a while ago right? Well, it turns out that the girl used to live with Shantel Weaver! Can you believe it?”

Adora knew Glimmer was looking for a big reaction but honestly, she had no idea who Glimmer was talking about. And by the way Bow was thoughtfully looking up at the ceiling, she was sure he didn’t know either. 

Glimmer looked at them incredulously. “Oh come on! You know who I’m talking about.” Her gaze volleyed back and forth between Bow and Adora before sighing and slumping into the wall. “Shadow Weaver?”

“Oh yeah!”

“I knew her name sounded familiar.”

“Seriously you guys? Shantel Weaver. Shadow Weaver. You couldn’t make the connection?” Glimmer shook her head in disbelief before straightening up and leaning forward. “Whatever. The point is that obviously, this girl has got to have some issues.”

“Glimmer!” Bow reprimanded, looking at her with a disappointed gaze. “You don’t know that.”

“I kind of do, though? She used to be my dad’s mentor and he told me that he had a nervous breakdown in college because of her crazy expectations. He had to get checked into a clinic and get a therapist and start taking some medications because of her.”

Adora was starting to feel the effects of all her blood rushing to her head so she sat up and leaned against her headboard. “Yeah, but how do you know that’s the case here?”

“Because,” Glimmed explained slowly, “my Aunt Casta runs her ballet school, right? Well apparently, she noticed that this girl had some real talent, so she asked to speak to her parents about maybe putting her in advanced classes. But then Shadow Weaver showed up and my aunt was like, ‘bitch,’ but she was a professional and got over it.” 

“You got all of this from Angella and Micah’s conversation? Every single detail?” Bow asked. 

Glimmer shrugged and said, “I’m taking artistic liberties, that’s not the point. The point is that Shadow Weaver started to book this girl private lessons on top of moving her into the advanced classes. Like, she just yeeted this girl into a semi-professional career full of pointy toes and spinny flips. Anyway, my aunt was locking up one night when she heard Satan herself start to go _off_ on this girl. Like full-on ‘you’re nothing without me’ and ‘be grateful I’m trying to make something out of your life’. So obviously Aunt Casta steps in and she throws hands with Weaver.”

Adora raised an eyebrow. While she had no doubt that Casta was capable of physically fighting someone, it just didn’t seem like something the woman would do. From what Adora had seen, Casta tended to lean more towards passive-aggressiveness. Well, she mused, there was that infamous Black Friday sale at the craft store a few years back. The other lady hadn’t seen Casta’s right hook coming. 

“Okay, okay. It was a verbal throwdown,” Glimmer admitted, “But either way, a week later the girl moved in with Aunt Casta and she’s been there ever since. I think Aunt Casta called my dad to ask if he knew any good therapists in Mystacor.” 

Adora ruminated over the past conversation and felt a twinge of empathy for the mysterious girl. She goes to therapy and so she knows how taxing it can be. To be asked to be vulnerable in front of a stranger once a week can be very emotionally draining. Adora knew that every time she returned from a session with Mara, she had to spend the rest of the day on her own to recuperate with everything that was unearthed. It’s helpful, that she can’t deny, but it is a very demanding experience.

As she mused all this she turned the corner and found herself faced with a curious sight. 

In front of the library was a girl that Adora had never seen before. She held a leash in her hand, but instead of the rope slacking near the ground, it was guided upwards towards the large oak tree’s branches, where Adora spotted a lazy tail swishing in front of the girl’s scowling face.

Adora could only see the side of the girl’s face but from what she could see, the girl was stunning. She had a voluminous head of curly brown hair that frizzed near the bottom, held back by a red bandana around her head. Her face was smooth and colored by constellations strewn around the bridge of her nose and running down the side of her face with a red flush underlying her dark cheeks, clearly demonstrating the sun’s relentless pursuit. She had a mean wrinkle between her brows and Adora wasn’t sure whether the reason for it was the sun’s treacherous kiss or the cat who had found its new home amongst the branches. 

And she had a glare so fierce, one that could probably turn anyone into stone, blazing a heat so intense that she could feel even behind her sunglasses.

“Hi! Hello. What’s up?” Adora grimaced inwardly. Perhaps outwardly as well, she couldn’t always control her facial expressions. 

The thundercloud of a girl didn’t acknowledge Adora’s blunder. She gave Adora a blank stare before turning her attention back towards the treetop. Which Adora would normally find rude but the girl was clearly in a stressful situation so Adora would let it go. 

(Although a part of Adora’s brain knew the real reason was that it allowed her to have more time to observe the girl’s profile and the way her shirt was sliding down her shoulder, exposing her tan collarbone and a smattering of freckles that seemed to run down to her—)

Adora promptly tripped over nothing and windmilled her arms at ridiculously high speeds to keep her balance. She stumbled to stand a few feet away from the girl.

“Is that your cat?” she asked conversationally. 

“No.”

“Oh.”

“He’s my ransom cat.” 

“...oh?”

“I take old lady’s cats and demand a ransom.”

Adora turned her head so fast she heard it crack. Now she was morally conflicted. She could do the right thing and fight this girl to return the cat to its rightful owner. Or she could pretend she was never here and _maybe_ (if she played her cards right) leave with this girl’s number.

She sadly imagined an old lady walking by her street, wailing loudly and asking all those in sight if they’ve seen her cat. The poor woman would probably be carrying around cute pictures of her cat clutched to her chest. Adora was sure her Abuelita Razz would invite the distraught woman into her home and try to cheer her up with her ‘razzle-dazzle.’ Adora was also sure that would make things exponentially worse.

A fight it was.

The silence must have alerted the girl to Adora’s newfound thought process because she raised an intimidatingly immaculate eyebrow and tilted her head back a little. A challenging stance if Adora had ever seen one. 

“Yeah, it’s my cat. He’s being a brat and won’t come down.”

Adora assessed the scene before her and made rapid calculations in her head. Girl plus cat in tree equals sad. Adora plus cat down the tree equals happy girl and a new number in her phone?

Adora threw her bag on the ground and sidestepped the brunette to march towards the tree trunk. She hadn’t climbed a tree in a couple of years. The older she got, the more responsibilities she took on that kept her from enjoying childish pursuits. Besides, climbing trees was dangerous if one was too cocky and reckless, which Adora could admit to being from time to time. Now she had lacrosse to think about but, she noted, the tree was old and sturdy, its branches at least twice the girth of her arms. It would hold her weight.

“What are you doing?” Considering the fact Adora was doing her a favor, the other girl could make an effort to sound a little less exasperated and a lot more grateful. 

“He won’t scratch me, will he?” she huffed, pulling herself up to the closest branch.

“Probably not.”

Well wasn’t that reassuring.

It took her a couple of minutes to safely reach the cat, but soon her head poked through between two branches and she found herself eye level with it. He had a beautiful coat; one so dark that when the light shone through the leaves it looked dipped in purple. But it was his eyes that almost sent Adora tumbling down. They were a luminescent blue and altogether otherworldly. 

“Is he okay?” For the first time, Adora heard something other than disinterest and annoyance in the girl’s voice. 

Adora cleared her throat. “Yeah, he’s okay.” She shifted closer and extended her arm. “Hey kitty,” she soothed, “come on. Time to go.”

The cat flicked his ear before turning his gaze downward as if trying to communicate with his owner. _Are you seeing this? How stupid does she look from down there?_

“Very stupid. Don’t make it worse,” she gritted out, trying to edge closer. 

The cat looked at her blankly and had the audacity to shuffle his furry behind backwards. Adora was at her wit’s end and played the last card she had. “Pspspsps.”

He dashed towards her face and she had to bring her arm up to protect herself. He sniffed her arm and her exposed forehead before giving her forearm a small, rough lick. Once she had gained his trust, he turned out to be a very affectionate cat. Which Adora simultaneously appreciated and condemned. It was very difficult to make a cool and smooth descent when she had to adjust her grip on the cat every couple of seconds. 

Somehow they made it to the ground safely and in one piece. She gave the girl a triumphant grin, feeling much too proud of herself and not caring one bit. 

She carefully transferred the furball into his owner’s arms, trying to make the least possible contact. Adora was very gross and sweaty after the climb and all she wanted was to step inside the library and feel the air conditioning on her skin.

The shorter girl’s lips ticked upwards and her brow was no longer creased. Her shades had slipped down her nose and Adora could see some of her eyes. They were two different colors, one blue and so light that it was practically cyan, and the other an amber color that turned gold when the light reflected upon it at an angle. It was the closest Adora would probably get to seeing her outwardly happy. 

“Stupid cat,” she muttered fondly.

She shot Adora a barely-there smile and Adora felt something dislodge itself in her chest at the sight. She was positive she’d never met this girl before, she would have remembered her if she did, but those eyes—Adora had seen them somewhere, had felt them bearing into her, that much she knew. 

She could feel her body moving forward towards the library’s door but it didn’t feel real. Adora felt as though she were walking in a dream, struggling onwards against whatever force of gravity held her back. 

As she walked up the steps she couldn’t help but throw a quick look over her shoulder at the other girl, who was already wandering away. She couldn’t shake the feeling of déjà vu that clung to her. They’d been here before. Or someplace like it. 

* * *

Adora kicked a pebble out of the way and ambled down the street. Slow-moving but moving nonetheless, she was dreading going home.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to meet Casta’s foster daughter. She was actually looking forward to seeing what kind of teenager was capable of keeping up with Casta’s excitable nature. Adora was fond of the woman, but she was also very grateful that she had been placed in the other Han household, where the adults were much calmer and didn’t knit as often. 

No, it wasn’t that. It had to do with the fact that once she got home, her privacy would most likely be stripped away. There was only one guest room and that would obviously be Casta’s room, so the mystery girl would have to stay with either Glimmer or Adora. 

There was the option of letting her have one of their rooms and the two of them bunking together, but based on past experiences, Glimmer and Adora had decided that it was better if their sleepovers didn’t go over a night. Adora hated waking up with glitter covering her body and Glimmer hated that Adora couldn’t sleep unless the window was open. 

So Adora knew what would come to pass but she was going to dig her heels in and resist for as long as she politely could. 

She walked up the front yard and could see the gentle yellow glow outlining the living room windows, inviting in all weary travelers. She opened the door and kicked off her shoes, already being able to hear Casta’s bright laugh and Glimmer’s excited voice from her position in the hallway. Angella floated out of the living room, so graceful were her movements. “Adora,” she smiled softly, as if she hadn’t seen the blonde this morning gorging herself on the last of the Cheerios. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Adora waved her hand awkwardly. “Hey, sorry I’m late. I stopped by the library this afternoon and I lost track of time.”

Angella lifted an eyebrow, her smile taking on a knowing lilt. “Studying, I suppose?”

Adora swayed on the soles of her feet. “Err, yeah. You know me! I’m a scholar.”

Angella hummed and gestured towards the living room. “Come along, we’re all situated in the living room.”

She drifted back into the room she had indicated and Adora let out a tiny sigh. She couldn’t put it off forever she supposed.

She stepped in the room and was instantly engulfed in a hug. “Oh Adora, it’s been so long! Look at you,” Casta pulled back and gripped Adora by the shoulders. She had on a smile that reached from ear to ear and that would look unnatural on anybody else. She squeezed her shoulders and pulled Adora into one last hug. “I don’t visit for a couple of months and you just shoot up!”

Adora supposed she had been a little shorter the last time she saw Casta. Now she didn’t have to tilt her head back to meet Casta’s gaze. She still had nothing on Angella though, and probably never would. 

Casta stepped away from Adora and gave her an impish grin. “Meet your new cousin! Catra!” 

Adora heard a familiar voice grumble, “Casta, please,” at the same time she interjected, “Actually I’m not really a part of this family.”

Adora could hear Casta’s outraged gasp and her incredulous cry of “Adora, how could you say that? After I knitted you that sweater last Christmas...” but all Adora could see was the grumpy, cat-wrangling girl she had left in front of the library’s oak tree. 

“You!”

The other girl—Catra—smirked. “Hey, Adora.”

Adora gaped in disbelief. “How do you know my name?”

Glimmer gave Adora a strange look. _Get it together you useless lesbian_. “Because we told her about you?” 

Adora nodded rapidly. “Right. Right, that makes sense.”

There was a long pause where Adora could feel the pressure to say something but she wasn’t sure that whatever would come out of her mouth would actually help alleviate the silence. Finally, Angella rose from the armchair she was in. “I need to finish up dinner. Casta, would you like to help?”

“Of course. We can’t have a repeat of the last time you tried to make samgyetang on your own.”

Angella rolled her eyes surreptitiously and walked towards the kitchen. Casta clapped her hands twice and began to walk out of the room backward. “Okay, you girls figure it out now!” She cheerily said, before bumping into the doorframe and jerking out of view.

There was a strange tension in the air that Adora refused to address. Whatever was happening right now was between Glimmer and Catra, and Adora did not want to have to choose between her foster sister and the cute girl she’d be living with for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, she could feel Glimmer’s hard stare drift her way every now and then, clearly expecting Adora to offer her room. So she did the only thing she could do under the circumstances and shifted her body a bit, literally turning her cheek the other way. She knew she’d hear about her betrayal later but Adora was in full self-preservation mode. 

She heard a small huff and knew it had to be from Catra. Glimmer’s were usually more dramatic. And wrathful. 

“Look, we’re going to have to figure this out soon. I want to get Melog settled in. Am I staying with you or Glitter?”

“It’s Glimmer.” Adora had to hand it to her foster sister, she had mastered the art of enunciating through her gritted teeth down to an art form. 

Adora safely made a face (knowing that the other two girls couldn’t see it from where they were standing) before turning to face them. Adora knew she only had a few seconds before the silence would reach a level of awkward she would not be able to recover from. Could she throw Glimmer under the bus and face her subsequent anger until she turned 18 and saved enough money to start a new life in Spain or New Zealand? Or could she muster enough self-control to share a room with Catra and not spiral down a gay rabbit hole. Could she share her room (and possibly her bed) with this girl and not fantasize about holding her hand and stroking her hair and being surrounded by grandkids sixty years from now telling them how she knew Catra was “the one” since the moment she laid eyes on her?

Probably not.

“You can room with me.”

But she did like a challenge. 

* * *

“So, welcome to my room. _Mi casa es tu casa_.” Adora wildly threw her arm out into her room to vaguely gesture at it all before letting it fall to her side with a loud slap against her leg. She gazed at her room from the doorway and felt a rush of anxiety. Having a pretty girl like Catra at her shoulder made her reassess her space from a new perspective. Her motivational horse posters with phrases like “Never Say NEIGH-ver” suddenly left her feeling less sure about what she had gotten herself into. On the bright side, her room was very neat; everything in their perfect place, from her hair ties to her books. 

She turned to look at Catra, who was currently scanning the room, eyes lingering on Adora’s desk where she had a pile of sketchbooks covering the top. “Nice room.”

Her eyes drifted back to Adora’s and Adora realized how close they were for the first time. Their shoulders were grazing one another and she could count every single one of Catra’s freckles if she wanted to. There was one, and another, three, four, fi—

“So are you going to let me in or what?”

“Yeah, of course!”

Neither one of them moved. Catra’s eyes darted into the room and back to meet Adora’s gaze. A few more seconds went by before she huffed and rolled her eyes. “Well you’re kind of blocking the way.”

Adora jumped back, feeling her face burn. Global warming was real and Adora was contributing to half of it, she was sure. She’d have to make it up to the Earth by helping Perfuma plant some trees and letting her fix her “chi” or whatever “anxious energy” she emitted. 

Or maybe she’d just let the earth burn. That way she’d melt away with it. Except it would also kill Catra and that would be super upsetting. It would also kill her other friends too but still. Catra. 

Adora walked into the room and hesitantly closed the door behind her. Logically, she knew it was to prevent Melog from getting out, but she didn’t want Catra to feel trapped in the room with her. She watched as Catra placed her bags and Melog’s carrier on the floor by the foot of the bed and as she crouched down to unzip the front of the carrier. Adora couldn’t hear what Catra was whispering but she saw her slowly reach into the cage and rise off the floor with her cat cradled against her chest. He purred contentedly as Catra stroked down the length of his back and Adora felt a soft smile creep on her face at the sight. 

Catra slowly walked over to where Adora was, her soft eyes never leaving her cat’s languid form. “Do you want to pet him?” she asked quietly. 

Adora was startled. Did she want to touch the creature who was currently gazing at her with intense, almost turquoise-like eyes? It seemed like he could stare into her very soul. _I know you’re gay for Catra_ , he taunted. Nevertheless, Adora found herself reaching for his paw.

“Not there,” Catra corrected. “Try his back.” She reached to take Adora’s hand and as soon as she made contact, Adora felt an involuntary shiver run from the tips of her fingers to the rest of her nervous system. She could feel Catra’s fingers wrap around her wrist and guide her palm against Melog’s silky back. 

Adora couldn’t tear her eyes away from Catra’s hand. Her fingers were so soft and while her grip wasn’t exactly gentle, it wasn’t rough either. She was just firm. Adora could feel some callouses near the top of Catra’s palm and wondered what she did to cause them. Was she a monkey bar enthusiast? Did she lift weights? Catra was lean and didn’t have the same muscle definition Adora had in her biceps, but she did carry her bags and Melog’s carrier with no difficulty. Adora felt a blush rising in her cheeks; she always did admire girls who could step on her. Metaphorically speaking. 

“Hey, it’s dinner ti—what’s happening?”

Adora was usually impressed with Glimmer’s ability to seemingly teleport into a room but for once, could she not read the room before popping in unannounced? 

Catra let go of Adora’s hand and drifted towards the bed, setting Melog down before turning to face Glimmer with her hands on her hips and an arched eyebrow. “What? You’ve got something against me and Melog getting to know our new roommate, Glitter?”

Glimmer’s confused frown quickly turned into a scowl. “Okay, I let it slide the first time but now you’re either dumb or deaf!”

Catra put her pinky finger in her ear, twisting it around a bit before taking it out and inspecting it. “Sorry did you say something?”

Glimmer threw her hands in the air before stomping out of the room. 

“You know you’re going to have to live with her for the summer, right?”

“Well, have you considered that she’s also going to be living with me?” 

* * *

Adora found herself sitting across from Catra, with Casta sitting next to her foster daughter at Angella’s left. Next to Adora, Glimmer was noisily slurping her bowl of samgyetang, pointedly ignoring her mother’s warning glares. 

“Catra, Casta tells me you are quite a talented dancer. Congratulations. Casta holds her students to high regard, you must be very impressive,” Angella praised.

The girl shifted awkwardly in her seat. “Thanks. Yeah, she’s been really helpful with correcting my form and everything.”

“Oh it’s been my pleasure,” Casta gushed. “I was absolutely heartbroken when Glimmer refused to take lessons, I thought I’d never find a _danzatrice_ as talented as her. But thank the stars you walked into my studio when you did!” Casta turned to Angella and leaned in. “Oh, you should have seen her. She was so young and moody. A little Tasmanian devil whirlwind at age six. And so free-willed as well. You couldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to. Truly adorable!”

Glimmer snickered and Catra sunk a bit into her chair, a tinge of pink coating her cheeks. But all Adora could think of was a little Catra in a tutu. Would she have had her hair in a bun? Adora bet she was a kid who walked into class with her arms crossed and a look on her face that clearly let everyone else know she’d rather be anywhere else. She probably had stomped her way up to the wooden bar things that ballerinas in movies always used as a way to warm up. Would she even have been able to reach the bar? 

“At the rate she’s going, she’ll be prima ballerina before she’s thirty. OH! She might even take Isabella Boylston’s title for the youngest principal dancer in the American Ballet Theater,” Casta exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly. The conversation soon shifted to Micah’s business abroad, but Adora only saw Catra as she steadily worked through her soup with an almost imperceptible trembling hand raising her spoon to her lips. 

* * *

Adora puttered around her room before sitting down on her bed and picking at her pyjama shorts while waiting for Catra to come out of the restroom. When she did Adora shot up out of the bed and tried to cover her embarrassment by bolting into the restroom to brush her teeth again. 

She returned to find Catra sitting in the spot she vacated and scrolling through her phone. She looked up when Adora entered the room and set her phone on the nightstand next to Adora’s. “You tired yet?”

Adora shrugged noncommittally and picked at the cracked skin on her thumb.

“Hey,” she tried for nonchalance but failed miserably. “Full disclosure, I kinda...uh...have a tendency to move around a lot? When I sleep.”

Catra groaned and threw herself back onto the bed, rubbing at her eyes with the heels of her palms. “Should I just set up camp on the floor then?” 

“No!” Adora exclaimed. Far too loudly in the quiet room. “No. If anything I should sleep on the floor. You’re a guest.”

“Yeah but this is your bed.”

“Well, the floor has many benefits. For the back. My back. Honestly, you’ll be doing me a favor by letting me take the floor.” Oh, if only the ground could open up below her and send Adora to the fiery pits of hell.

Catra got up on her elbows and squinted in Adora’s direction. Her fingers thrummed against the bed as her head tilted to the side, clearly thinking about Adora’s stupidity. “You’ve got a pretty big bed. Why don’t we share tonight and if you start kicking or whatever, well that’s a problem for future Adora and Catra.”

Adora hesitated, not wanting to unintentionally hurt Catra, but the other girl was tough and right; it would be a problem for future Adora and Catra. She neared the bed, “Do you mind if I take the side by the wall? I like to press up against it.” Why did her mind not connect with her mouth?

Catra’s lips twitched, “Go ahead, you weirdo.”

Adora turned off the light and they rearranged themselves on her bed. Adora on her side with her back pressed against the cool wall and Catra curled in on herself, facing away from Adora. 

The minutes trickled by and Adora’s mind showed no signs of letting her rest. She felt antsy and knew she wouldn’t be sleeping for a while in the state that she was. She couldn’t text Glimmer or Bow since her phone was on the nightstand and that would mean reaching over Catra, so that was off the table. She figured the best thing she could do was bother the only other person she had access to at the moment.

“So...you like cats?”

Catra groaned. “Really?”

“What?” Adora shifted into the defensive, “We’re going to be sharing a room for the summer, I think we should get to know each other better.”

“Ugh, fine.” Catra shuffled to face Adora. “What do you wanna know?”

“Cats?”

“They’re cool. They mind their own business.”

“Noted.”

Melog chose that moment to let out a quiet meow and leapt onto the bed, choosing to stretch out by Adora’s feet. “You should probably move him,” she said worriedly, “I might end up kicking him in my sleep.”

Catra waved a sleepy hand and yawned. “He’s got to learn somehow,” she got out. “Besides, he’s got fast reflexes. You won’t catch him.”

Adora felt a teasing grin slide across her face. “Is that how he found himself up a tree?”

“Shut up.”

* * *

There were a handful of dreams that Adora could remember. Some because they frightened her to the point of remembrance, others because they’d leave her with tear-stained cheeks in the morning, and a few because they were made up by hazy memories that could only be evoked in the midway state between reality and illusion. 

This night, Adora revisited one she thought she had outgrown long before. She was young and alone, stuck in a time where she was without Adam and without her parents, but before Razz and Bright Moon. Adora was in a dark house illuminated by a strange green glow that seemed to emulate from the very walls themselves. She was walking down a hallway full of doors that were impossible to open. Some doors were too hot to get close to and some left her with chattering teeth whenever she even turned her head to look at them. Some knobs were too high up for her to reach and the ones she could touch were impossible to turn. Along the way she found herself standing in front of a woman that towered over Adora. She had jet black hair that danced menacingly above her and long spindly fingers that reached down towards Adora’s face. She could feel her heart start to jackhammer in her chest and an icy sense of dread settle in the pit of her stomach, climbing upwards and threatening to choke her. Little Adora stumbled backward down the never ending hallway until her back hit the front door and she quickly turned to open the heavy door. Before she ran out though, she looked back at the haunting figure behind her and for the first time, noticed something hiding behind a slightly opened door. A someone actually, with eyes boring into her. One blue and one gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEOPLE! hello, it's my first foray into writing since a disastrous attempt in 2012 so please be gentle with me.
> 
> none of you asked for it but here are the songs I used to drive inspiration: [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQYaUbgcGlo) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYJb7K5Ys4g)


	2. this must be the place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra spend more time together and learn a few things along the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick thanks to [bazaarworlds (aka bazaar)](bazaarwords.tumblr.com) and [beantow](https://catrugh.tumblr.com/) for their feedback and helping improve this chapter.

When Adam and Adora had shared a bed, they’d been like two Pluto-sized planets, orbiting around each other and narrowly missing collision; limbs flying every which way and bodies contorted in strange shapes by the morning. But with Catra, they weren’t so much two different objects that circled around each other as they were two separate parts coming together. Her body still twisted and turned and fought in her sleep, but she also instinctively knew where Catra was and actively avoided slamming into her. Catra was steady and unwavering—perennial; whereas Adora was a mercurial needle, wildly spinning and trying to find its way home. 

Adora had woken up every morning since the first night with some part of herself touching Catra. Some days it was a hand on her shoulder, back, or waist. Other mornings it was a leg strewn over Catra’s or entangled with hers. Once, Adora had spent five panicked minutes trying to ease her fingers out of Catra’s messy bedhead hair. 

Every morning tested Adora’s skillful maneuvering and engineering ingenuity when she had to get out of bed. Starting her day and fulfilling her responsibilities while doing her best to not wake the sleeping girl next to her often proved difficult. She hadn’t succeeded in slipping out of bed unnoticed yet, but she liked to think that her stealth was improving. 

As Catra rubbed her eyes and rolled around on her bed in annoyance, Adora stumbled into some clothes and fell out of her room. She hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen for a quick bowl of cereal. Adora may have been an early riser out of habit, but there was someone who she could never beat; who she needed to make an effort to beat, despite how fruitless the attempt was. When she had plowed through her bowl, she ran out of the house—throwing a quick goodbye to Angella who had been coming down the stairs—and headed to the violet house next door. 

Adora always left herself a thirty-minute window between breakfast and when she needed to head off to practice so that she could make her way over to Razz’s house and apply her _abuelita’s_ insulin shot. It was a routine Adora had been following since she was thirteen when her hands became steady enough to help repay the older woman through that manageable act; a simple way to thank Razz for rescuing her from the foster system after her parents’ had passed away. Adora had been lucky enough to have only been in foster care for two months compared to her twin Adam, who had been lost in the bureaucratic entanglement of the system. She had no idea if he was even in the same state as her anymore; she had no idea the person her brother may have grown to be. 

Adora knocked on the purple front door and when she couldn’t hear anybody coming to open it, she tested the knob. She felt a rush of nerves course through her when it opened at her turn, but she forced herself to calm down. Bright Moon was a safe place and nobody would be stupid enough to break into an old lady’s house when the mayor lived next door.

“ _Abuelita_?” she called out softly.

Something clanged in the kitchen to her right and someone giggled to themselves. “Mara dearie, is that you?”

Adora sighed as she stepped into the other room. “No _abuelita_ , it's me, Adora.”

Razz blinked owlishly at her from where she stood in front of the sink. A stitch appeared in her brow before she conceded to whatever thought had crossed her mind and smiled at the blonde. “Of course! Adora, do you know when Mara will come by?”

The girl could feel a familiar tension begin to knot itself between her shoulder blades. She forced her shoulders back, drawing herself to full height and all but dwarfing the old woman. Adora didn’t know if she should bother explaining to her grandmother that her favourite student was no longer a teenager who needed to stay at Razz’s everyday after school. She was now a grown woman who had stayed away from Bright Moon for many years and had only recently returned as a respected therapist who saw Adora once a week.

“She might swing by later,” she settled on. Sometimes she found it easier to humor the older woman. She didn’t want to risk upsetting her before she had to apply the insulin shot. 

Adora let her grandmother ramble on while she rummaged through the fridge for the medication. She made a mental note to clean it out when she came back later. There were half-eaten plates and expired foods and fruits littering the inside. She straightened and readied the needle.

“Come on, _Abuelita_. You know the drill.”

“Oh no, thank you dearie, I’m okay.”

Adora stared the old woman down. 

“Okay, okay. But just this once!” Razz warned, waving her finger threateningly. 

Adora smiled. “Just this once,” she lied. 

Razz pouted. “Loo-kee will hold you to that. Won’t you, Loo-kee?”

The stuffed toy just stared in response; it’s tiny body slumping into its red overalls and pointy ears flopping down to touch the curled blue tail. 

Razz hissed as the needle pierced her skin and Adora felt a surge of guilt. She tried to comfort herself with the thought that it was for the woman’s own good, but it couldn’t erase the misty eyes her grandmother tried to hide. 

“ _Abuelita_ , are you okay? Do you want to sit down?” she asked gently. 

“Madame Razz has never felt better!” came the hoarse reply. But Adora noted the lack of endearment.

“I have to go to practice but I’ll be back later, okay?”

“Yes, of course! Madame Razz will have a pie ready for you when you come back.”

As Adora shut the door behind herself, she could hear her abuelita talking to herself. “Oh Loo-kee, isn’t my Mara the sweetest?”

Adora’s heavy heart settled in her chest for the rest of the morning.

* * *

**💪✨🏹Best Fuckbois Squad🏳️🌈💋😈**

**Bibble 🧚♀️**

meet us at the devil child’s

 **PGT** 🖕🏾

We’re gonna pick up Frosta!

Adora frowned at her phone.

who let Glimmer rename the chat?

She moved to put it away but it buzzed insistently in her hand.

**Bibble 🧚♀️**

fuck u

i couldn’t sleep

hurry ur ass up

i need ur lax stick to beat this child

Adora rolled her eyes and headed downtown. 

* * *

Adora walked alongside Bow and Glimmer, keeping an eye on Frosta as she ran up to walls and kicked off of them every few minutes. She seemed to have more energy than usual and Bow had suggested taking her to the park. Adora took advantage of Glimmer’s distracted state to get her thoughts on their new houseguest.

“So they leave at 8:30 but Catra doesn’t come back until 6? Mystacor is like half an hour away, even if her class did end at 5:30, isn’t that kind of long for a class?” Adora pestered Glimmer.

Glimmer obviously wasn’t putting much thought into it as Adora was. “She’s in an advanced class. Obviously they’re going to go on for longer. Why do you—Frosta! If you don’t stop your half-assed attempts at parkour, I _will_ make you hold my hand!”

“Adora,” Bow started, drawing out her name with a teasing lilt in his voice, “is there something you want to tell us?”

Adora scoffed. Then scoffed again for extra measure. “No. Is it wrong of me to want to know my roommate’s schedule?” 

Glimmer turned her glower away from Frosta (who had moved on to interpretive dancing—mimicking a penguin) and towards Adora. “Adora,” she began carefully, “if you’re feeling what I think you’re feeling, you better shut that down.”

Adora felt her ears begin to burn. “What?” she spluttered. “I have no idea as to what you’re talking about.”

She felt Bow pat her shoulder, looking at her with a sympathetic gaze. “She can’t help what she feels Glim. Love is love.” 

“Okay, you guys are blowing this way out of proportion.”

“So there is something to blow!”

“Bow, we’re on a playground.”

He turned to the moms who were sitting on the bench a couple of feet away from them that kept shooting them dirty looks. ‘Sorry!’ he mouthed. ‘Context needed!’

“Glimmer!” Frosta shouted from the top of the slide, blocking the entrance from the younger children who were waiting behind her. “Check out my penguin impersonation!” She flopped onto her stomach and propelled herself down the slide. 

Frosta flew off and in one blissful, picturesque moment, looked as if she were gliding through the air at an extremely low height. 

Then reality brought her crashing down. Literally. 

The three teenagers ran over to where she was huddled on the ground. “Frosta? Oh my god this would happen to you. To me! Frosta are you okay?” Glimmer babbled.

Bow seized her shoulders. “Glimmer, she’s going to be okay. She just got the wind knocked out of her.”

While he dealt with Glimmer, Adora focused on Frosta. The younger girl was clutching at her stomach and had her jaw locked tight, desperately trying to take in lungfuls of air but her body prevented her from doing so. Adora gently shifted her into a sitting position, pushing her knees into her chest, and rubbed her back. “Hey Frosta, I know it’s scary right now and it’ll feel impossible, but you’ve got to take deep breaths. Can you do that for me?”

The younger girl frantically shook her head, her eyes wide and worried. Adora gave her a reassuring smile. “Just follow along with me.”

She cradled Frosta’s face with her hands and began to breathe in slowly through her mouth and then exhale loudly and exaggerated, trying to get a smile out of the frightened girl. After a few trial and errors, Adora and Frosta were soon breathing in sync. She looked over at Bow and Glimmer to shoot them a thumbs up and to allow the prideful blue-haired girl a moment of privacy to sweep away a few tears. 

She got up and extended her hand towards Frosta. Glimmer and Bow walked over to where they were. “I think it’s time we head home, don’t you think?” Adora asked. 

Glimmer gave a tight nod and draped her arm around Frosta’s shoulders. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

Adora broke off from her friends when they reached the path towards the Han’s home. “I’m going to spend the evening with Razz, okay?”

Bow and Frosta waved goodbye and Glimmer flipped her off. “I’ll let Mom know.”

Adora let herself into the house next door and set her lacrosse bag on the floor and stuck her stick in the empty umbrella stand. She dug through the bag and took out the groceries she had picked up earlier. She made her way to the kitchen and set everything down on the counter, separating what she’d be using for dinner that night and what she could store in the refrigerator. “ _Abuelita_ ,” she called out, “I’m going to start dinner. Wanna help?”

Nobody replied and Adora could feel her nerves begin to build up around her fingers. She drummed her fingers on the countertop. “ _Abuelita_?” she tried again. 

She felt something snap inside of her as she rushed through the house, barging into every room to see if the older woman was hiding away somewhere. She had stepped away from the bathroom in the hallway when she noticed that the backyard door was open and felt an equal sense of relief and exasperation sweep through her system. 

She marched out back to the fenceless yard and ventured into the woods behind Razz’s house. She could never get a good grasp on the weird feeling she got whenever she went into the woods. She knew there was nothing to fear, but there was something about the trees that made her uneasy. She had never told anyone for fear of seeming foolish, but she swore that she could feel the trees lean into her, as if trying to embrace her or bestow a secret in her ear. When she had been younger, she and Razz would bound into the familiar unknown, pretending they were explorers off to find the magic that had retreated from Etheria. Razz would make up stories on the different cities surrounding Bright Moon that made up the county of Etheria, and would provide detailed accounts as to why each city lost their magic. She had insisted that only the Whispering Woods still held any magic left, and only those who were willing to listen could unlock the woods’ full potential. Adora could only shiver and attempt to repress that mysterious memory. She didn’t need Razz’s ominous lore in her head while already worried about where she might have gone.

Adora passed the old ruins and felt a stab of nostalgia. The “First One’s ruins'' was an old clubhouse that Mara had built when she was younger and that Adora had later found and cared for. It had been a space where she had gone whenever she had wanted to be alone with her thoughts or where she could go out and sketch the wildlife nearby and the night sky above. But the Han’s had a fence around their backyard, not wanting their adventurous child to venture into the woods on her own, so Adora couldn’t sneak out that way. And she couldn’t use her grandmother’s house as a way through because she’d always feel guilty if she didn’t stop by and make an effort with the older woman. She had abandoned the ruins years ago.

She pushed through the bramble for a couple more minutes until she could hear the stream and someone softly singing to themselves. She made her way to the clearing and found her grandmother bent over with a basket full of berries on her arm. The old woman looked up at her and beamed. “Mara look!” She held up her basket. “Now we can make our pie.”

Adora painted on a brittle smile. “Looks delicious. Let’s head home, it’s getting cold out here.”

As patiently as she could, she guided her grandmother out through the woods and back into her home. She handed her the carrots she brought and a peeler; her grandmother may have gotten confused about many things, but cooking and baking were ingrained in her at this point. As Adora worked on the rice and chicken, she tried to make easy conversation with the older woman. 

“What did you get up to today, _Abuelita_?”

“I cleaned my house. I’m so glad you came to visit me Adora. It’s been too long.”

Adora felt a spark of hope start to flicker in her chest. “You know who I am?”

“Of course, Adora. My little She-Ra.”

Adora froze. She felt her world tilt and struggled to keep her balance. Razz continued to peel the carrots as if she hadn’t delivered Adora a fatal blow. 

“What did you say?”

“My little She-Ra,” she stated absentmindedly. “I haven’t seen He-Man around in a while. Is he okay?”

Adora swallowed thickly and her sight blurred with tears. “Yeah, he’s fine. He’s grounded again.”

Razz tsked. “I’m sure it wasn’t his fault.”

Adora let out a soft laugh. Anything louder than that and it’d be a sob. “You don’t even know what he did.”

“I don’t have to know. A grandmother always takes her babies’ side.”

She finally looked up and for a moment, Adora felt like she was years ago—when Razz still knew her and loved her. 

The old woman gave her a soft smile before a look of confusion passed over her face. “Mara, where are the ingredients for the pie?”

She looked down at the carrot in her hand and shrugged to herself. “Madame Razz can work with this,” she muttered.

Adora didn’t know why she was as upset as she was. She knew better now than to expect anything substantial from Razz. She’d never be anything more than a pale imitation of the overwhelming light Mara had left behind. And if she kneaded the dough later a little harder than normal? It’s not as if there was anybody there that would notice. 

* * *

After a lengthy good-bye with her grandmother—where she swore up and down that she’d make sure the pie would make it’s way to Mara’s—Adora wearily stepped into the darklit Han household. She headed down to the kitchen to put away the unused sugar and set down the pie when she heard someone make their way down the stairs. The steps were too soft to be Glimmer’s and too quick to be Angella’s.

“Jesus, Adora. You creep, what are you doing, standing there in the dark?”

She felt something in her chest lighten at Catra’s voice and her bad mood dissipated into the quiet night air. She tried to tamper down her goofy grin but soon gave up; it’s not as if Catra would be able to see it in the dark room. 

“Sorry if I woke you up. I just got in.”

She couldn’t see Catra’s eyes, but she could practically feel the exasperated air that followed an eye roll. “Adora, it’s barely nine. Anyway, if I were asleep—which I wasn’t—Glimmer’s yelling would keep me awake.”

“What’s she yelling about?” Adora asked as she made her way into the kitchen with Catra following close behind. She felt something dart past her legs and struggled to keep her hold on the pie and sugar as she jolted in surprise. Melog jumped on the counter and let out a little chirp. 

“I think she’s playing some game.” Catra said absently as she sat on a stool. 

“Probably GTA. Or Animal Crossing. How mad does she sound?”

“She keeps calling someone a stupid little ho.” Adora could hear the smirk in that sentence. 

“Then it's Animal Crossing. That’s her nickname for Tom Nook”

Catra gave a soft snort, “Cute nickname.”

Adora gave a small hum as she walked over to the cabinet and took out two plates and the cake stand. She put them down by Catra and circled back to fetch a knife and two forks. 

“Did you get this at the store?

“Nope. I helped my grandma bake it. I have to bring it over so she doesn’t eat it—she’s a diabetic.” She opened the fridge and skimmed for the milk. She huffed when she saw it was all the way in the back and started to shuffle things out of the way to clear a path for it. 

“Oh. That’s nice of you.” It came out stilted, yet genuine. Adora had to hide her smile in the fridge. She was sure Catra hadn’t had much practice complimenting others, but she appreciated the effort.

She cut a piece of pie and slid it over to Catra. “So,” she began, hoping she could pass off as casual, “it must be tough being a dancer.”

Catra shrugged a little reservedly. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Still,” Adora continued, “you’re gone for most of the day. I mean, my practice is usually three hours, I don’t know if I could do ten.”

Catra gave her a curious look. “Six hours. Practice starts at 9:30 and ends at 3:30.”

“But Glimmer said you don’t get home until around six.” Adora didn’t know why she was pushing the issue so much but she was too far in to back out now. “What do you usually do when you’re done?”

Catra puffed out her cheeks, “Well, I usually bother my friends after class, but Entrapta’s busy with an internship and Scorpia’s at summer camp for another two weeks. So now I just take the bus back to Bright Moon.”

“Oh. How long does that take?”

Catra bit into the pie. “Like two hours,” she garbled around her mouthful.

“Two hours!” Adora yelped.

“Well yeah.” She swallowed and reached for the glass of milk Adora had given her. “I have to take more than one bus and sometimes one runs late which makes me miss the next one so I have to wait.” She scowled. “Depends on the drivers too, some assholes won’t let me bring Melog so I’ve got to wait for the ones who do.”

Adora watched the brunette take a sip and blurted out, “Let me pick you up.”

Catra choked on her drink, “What?”

“Let me come by and pick you up!”

Adora could see Catra start to shake her head and catapulted forward with her reasoning. “No listen, it makes sense. You won’t have to waste two hours and I’ll get to know you better. That way I’ll know I’m not living with a serial killer or something.”

Catra crossed her arms. “A serial killer?”

“Well you haven’t shown me any references.”

Catra bit her lip, “I don’t know…”

“If Angella and Casta say yes, will you let me?”

Catra studied Adora. She tried to appear as neutral as possible but she could feel her eyes soften under Catra’s intense stare. Catra must have found whatever she was looking for because she let out a giant sigh and her arms fell to her side. “I guess.”

Adora couldn’t hide her smile even if she tried. 

* * *

The cool night air came in through the open window, rustling the curtains and sweeping over the two figures laid out on the bed. 

“Tell me a secret.”

“You're annoying.”

“That’s not a secret, that’s your opinion.”

“Opinions can be secrets.”

“Catra.”

“I think I want to cut my hair.”

“You have beautiful hair.”

“You don’t think I should?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“It gets really hot in the summer.”

“Hmm.”

“Whatever. Your turn.”

“I play lacrosse.”

“I already knew that.”

“Well if you’d let me finish, I’d tell you why I chose lacrosse.”

“My bad Madame Speaker, go ahead.”

“Thank you.”

“...well?”

“It’s the closest I’d get to holding a modern sword.”

“What the fuck, that’s so dorky.”

“You say dorky, I say charming.”

“What about fencing?”

“Shh. I’m sleeping now.”

* * *

Adora was standing in the middle of a dark hallway full of frames with diplomas and certifications made out to someone’s name Adora couldn’t read from where she was. Her young self was only at eye level with the doorknobs, not having gone through her growth spurt yet. Unlike her previous dream—nightmare—this hallway did have an end in sight. An ajar door that illuminated the hallway in a faint, white glow. She crept towards it, mindful of the creaky steps below her bare feet. 

As she got closer, the door inched itself open, revealing a clinical, pristine bathroom and a little head enveloped by a tangle of unruly curls bent over the toilet. Adora could hear the small child dry heaving and tried to walk over to help, or at least provide some comfort. But she was unable to cross the threshold, an invisible barrier prevented her from stepping through. So she crouched on the cold tile floor and helplessly watched the little girl wrench out sob after sob. The prideful little creature reminded her of Frosta; it was evident that her desperate cries were being pulled out of her, jaw clenched tight to prevent a waterfall of emotions to come pouring out. Adora tried to call out, to offer some meaningless words of reassurance, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn’t force anything out of her throat but a broken sob of her own. 

* * *

After several days of convincing, a precisely timed call from Micah, and one powerpoint presentation later, Angella had allowed Adora to use Razz’s old Chevy. It took a while to transfer the car under the Han’s insurance plan, but a week later Adora found herself waiting for Catra outside of Mystacor’s Ballet Conservatory. She’d look up to the entrance every couple of seconds, eager yet anxious to see Catra. What would they talk about on the ride home? Would it be awkward? Should she turn on the radio and let that fill the silence or would that be rude? 

Her phone buzzed in her lap and she scrambled to reach it. 

**💪✨🏹Best Fuckbois Squad🏳️🌈💋😈**

**PGT** 🖕🏾

How’s the date?

**Bibble 🧚♀️**

not a date

that’s her cousin

*Your* cousin

**Bibble 🧚♀️**

bitch don’t start

she tried to kill me the other day

You choked on your own

She was just there

**Bibble 🧚♀️**

she didn’t help tho

 **PGT** 🖕🏾

ANYWAY

We’ll leave you alone 

We don’t want to ruin your moment!!!

Moment, what moment? Wasn’t life one big moment? Adora opened her notes app to write that down (she was very proud of that philosophizing thought) when there was a knock on her half-opened window. “Hey, Adora.” 

Adora jumped and hit her head on the top of the car and for a strange, instinctive reason—threw her phone out of the passenger window. 

Catra leaned down to cackle in Adora’s face. “Dude, what was that?”

Adora groaned and banged her forehead against the steering wheel, pressing down on the car horn. There was a loud yowl from outside and Adora straightened in her seat. “Sorry Melog,” she apologized as Catra handed over his carrier through Adora’s open window. 

She saw Catra walk past the front of the car and make her way to the passenger side, where she bent over to grab Adora’s phone before opening the door and sliding into the seat. They exchanged what they had and Adora breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her screen was still intact. 

Adora had barely started the car when Catra’s phone rang. Adora turned her head and managed to catch the dancer letting out a rare, fond little smile. She felt something turn in her stomach; who could be calling that elicited that reaction from a girl as moody as Catra?

“ _¿Qué quieres?_ ” snapped the brunette. Maybe Adora had misread the situation. She had to turn her head to hide her pleased grin. 

As Catra exchanged rapid Spanish with whoever was on the other line, Adora placed her hand on the back of Catra’s headrest and twisted her body to back out of the parking spot. Catra stuttered through an answer and when Adora turned to look at her, she caught the girl’s eyes darting away from her exposed arms. Adora was glad she had decided to go with the tank top, even if she was worried about sweating her deodorant off. 

She felt as though she should have been more surprised to discover that Catra spoke Spanish but honestly, it fit the image Adora had of the other girl. She had proven to hold immeasurable depths that Adora loved to dive into and explore. Not only was Catra a talented dancer, but she was incredibly smart when it came to schoolwork. In the first few days of knowing each other, Adora had walked into her room countless times to find the younger girl half-heartedly annotating a book or working through some math problems. She tried to probe Catra for information but had gotten nothing so she turned to Casta, who was more than happy to talk about Catra’s academic accomplishments. According to her, Catra could have easily skipped a grade to be an incoming junior like Adora, but she couldn’t find the drive to do it. 

During one of their many late-night conversations, Adora had asked her point-blank: why not just study and push through the exams to graduate sooner?

The other girl had gone quiet for several moments and Adora was about to apologize for pushing her, when Catra said, “Adora, I’ve been placed in classes for gifted kids since I was nine and my life’s been fucked ever since. I have no motivation for anything, but I’ve got a galaxy brain. Not to sound conceited—it’s just facts.” 

It had been said in a joking manner, but Adora could sense the weight behind some words more than others, and so had let the subject drop. 

“Fuck you too then. Tell Kyle happy birthday or whatever.” Catra hung up and shoved her phone into her backpack.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it was just my old foster sister. Our old foster brother, Kyle, is turning fifteen soon. She called to ask about the name of a book I once had.”

Adora spared her a quick glance. “That’s sweet. Did he like that book?”

“No, I threw it at his head once and he got a concussion. She thought it’d make a nice gag gift.”

Adora couldn’t help but grimace. “Well, that’s...thoughtful of her.”

Catra shrugged and said, “It’s just how Lonnie is.”

There was a lull so Adora switched topics. “I didn’t know you could speak Spanish.”

Catra shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Why would you know?” She suddenly sounded much more defensive than she had a minute ago.

Adora beat a rhythm against the steering wheel. “You never speak it around the house.”

“Nobody there knows any. What’s the point of talking to someone in a language they can’t understand?”

Adora made a small noise in agreement. “You could teach me,” she offered.

Catra let out a strangled noise, caught between a laugh and a scoff. “You’d be a terrible student.”

“Hey,” Adora mockingly admonished, “you don’t know that.” She bit her lip before tentatively voicing a thought that she had tried to disperse. “Besides, I already know a few words.”

Catra arched an eyebrow, her amusement evident through that one small gesture. 

"My grandma Razz is from Cuba. She came here when she was really little. I thought if I learned some Spanish, it could be a way for us to bond, you know? But she doesn't really like to speak the language. She hasn't told me why but I've got my theories. I think she had a hard time when she first came and a lot of it probably had to do with the fact that she only spoke Spanish, so..." Adora rubbed at her earlobe; she knew she was rambling but she had opened the floodgates and was reluctant to stop. She hadn't spoken about this with anybody, not even the person she was supposed to be discussing these types of things with—her therapist. These were thoughts on her relationship with her grandmother that she could not share with anybody who knew Razz, whether it was out of respect for her grandmother or a selfish desire to keep one of her secrets to herself, Adora didn't know. But she didn't want to overwhelm Catra, so she kept herself from further expanding. 

Catra stared ahead and stopped petting Melong, much to his discontent. “I didn’t know.” It sounded a lot like an apology. 

Adora shrugged. “Why would you know?”

She pulled into a gas station and parked the car by the nearest pump she saw. “The tank’s a little low so I need to refill it. Give me five minutes.”

Catra sat pensively in her seat and waved her hand in Adora’s direction, “Take your time,” she murmured. 

As Adora rushed to plug the nozzle, a white muscle car with tinted windows rolled to a stop at the pump across from theirs. A burly older girl stepped out and walked into the store. 

“Adora,” came a panicked voice from inside the car. 

She was instantly on alert, practically tripping over the hose in her haste to reach her door. “What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

Catra’s wide eyes met Adora’s and she practically lunged across the console to reach for Adora’s hand. “I need you to do me a favour.”

“Anything,” she vowed. 

“Get in the car.”

Adora rushed in. 

“Take the nozzle out first, you idiot.”

Adora blushed and did as she was told before plopping down in the driver’s seat once more. 

Catra fixed her with a serious gaze, lips pulled in a taut line. “Take us by the store’s entrance and slow down. Don’t stop! Just cruise by—once I’m done talking, you need to get us out of here.”

Adora nodded firmly. Then paused and sideyed Catra. “It’s not anything illegal, is it?”

“Nope.”

Adora remained doubtful but Catra was practically vibrating in her seat, so she went along with the directions. 

As Adora neared the store’s front, the behemoth of a girl that had gone in earlier was walking out. Catra frantically rolled down her window and cupped her hands, rustling a disgruntled Melog who was on her lap. “Octavia!” she shouted. “ _Chinga tu madre_.”

Adora didn’t know what that meant, but she could pick up enough context clues to piece together that it wasn’t exactly a compliment. She pressed down hard on the gas pedal and left some skid marks on the lot as Octavia cussed them out, looking ridiculous as she kicked the air and raised her fists. 

Before this moment, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen Catra give a genuine laugh. Of course it’d be at someone else’s expense, Adora thought fondly. 

“Did you see her face?” Catra’s own face was going red with exertion. “She looked so _stupid_.”

Adora reached the stoplight and found her gaze drifting towards the euphoric girl sitting next to her. What came next was only too easy.

She made a u-turn and headed back to the gas station. 

“Woah wait, where are you going?” Adora smirked at the frantic note in Catra’s voice. “If you’re going to make me apologize, I won’t do it.” God, could this girl act like a petulant child at times. Adora was too smitten to think of it as anything but endearing. 

She drove back into the gas station and instantly spotted the disgruntled girl they had left behind. Adora drove up alongside her, noting how dense the other girl was, as she hadn’t noticed them despite there being no one else there and came to a complete stop. She leaned towards Catra and ducked her head a bit to peer out her side of the window and loudly said, “Chinga tu madre, Octavia!” She half-hoped the older girl had heard and half-hoped she’d miraculously gone deaf in the past five minutes. The words fell unevenly from her mouth but Adora didn’t care. Not when Catra filled her car with her embarrassing snorts and mousy squeaks. Laughing so hard that she had to clutch her stomach as if trying to keep from regurgitating her happiness all over Adora’s dashboard. 

The burly girl swung around and tried to dislodge the pump from her car, eager to get in and speed after them. But she had miscalculated the timing and spilled gasoline all over her clothes and shoes. 

Adora and Catra were more than happy to leave her fumbling behind. 

* * *

As they drove down the main street, Catra broke the comfortable silence they had settled into. “I’ll teach you Spanish if you want, but I can’t teach you Cuban Spanish.”

Adora furrowed her eyebrows. “Why not?”

“Because I’m not Cuban?” Catra deadpanned. 

“Right.” Her brows still hadn’t lifted. “Are they very different?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure. Every Latin country has its variations.” 

They passed the Kingdom of Snows, Frosta’s parents’ ice cream shop. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Adora dared a quick glance. 

“It’s not going to be weird, is it?”

“No.” Adora contemplated for a second, “at least, I don’t think it will be.”

“Go ahead then.”

“What was the deal with Octavia?”

Instead of becoming defensive or silent, Catra just let out a little huff of laughter. “Nothing really. She’s just a bitch. She went to the same high school I did and she liked to pick on me for some reason.” Catra looked down thoughtfully at Melog, who was purring as she stroked the top of his head. “Maybe it had to do with the fact that I almost blinded her with a pencil.”

Adora sent her a questioning frown. “Do I even want to know?”

Catra just gave her a shameless shrug in response. 

They were two blocks away from the house now, and Adora still had something else she wanted to ask Catra that she only felt confident doing in this strange bubble of nuisances they’d created. 

“So tomorrow is Sunday,” she began, not knowing where else to start.

“Congrats. You went to pre-k and passed with flying colors,” came the retort.

Adora bulldozed through Catra’s snarky remark, having grown used to them. “Glimmer and I are going to meet some friends down at the harbor for a tour.”

“Haven’t you guys lived here forever? I’m pretty sure nothing’s changed since the last time you’ve seen it.” Catra’s remarks were losing their edge but the effort was still there. 

“We like to see the dolphins.”

“Good for you.”

They pulled into the driveway and Adora turned the car off. Neither of them made a move to get out. 

“Do you want to come with us?”

A muscle in Catra’s jaw flexed and Adora couldn’t help but admire it for a moment. “I don’t want a pity invite.”

“It’s not.” Adora carefully settled her hand over Catra’s. “I want you there. I’d like for you to meet my friends.”

Catra stared at their hands. “Are they as annoying as you?”

Adora beamed. “Way worse.”

* * *

“ _Azúcar_.”

“Sugar—I know that one”

“No, repeat after me: _Azúcar_.”

“ _Azúcar_?”

“Say it with more emphasis.”

“ _Azúcar!_ ”

“With your heart—come on, Adora. This is your people’s calling.”

“That feels borderline racist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References: [Bibble](https://www.google.com/search?q=bibble+barbie&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS812US812&oq=bibb&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i57j0l3j46l2j0.1077j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) and [PGT](https://www.history.com/topics/american-civil-war/pgt-beauregard) (Bow's dads named him Beauregard as a 'fuck you' to the confederate soldier pgt beauregard. But, as we all know, he goes by Bow)
> 
> this chapter's music: [chapter title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBPCvU5V8Ds) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfcXdpF2ywk)
> 
> please feel free to comment or come find me on tumblr


	3. family friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the light shines down on two idiots (in love?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this on Monday, but I have no impulse control.
> 
> Any and all mistakes are on me.
> 
> (btw, I created a quick mood board for this chapter and I don't wanna say it's amazing, but I actually really like it. It's on my tumblr, go check it out if you want)

The next morning Adora sat on the porch steps with Catra, who was perched on the railing, as they waited for Glimmer to come down. Adora did her best to keep her sight away from Catra’s long toned legs, but they were swinging at her eye level and the sunscreen she applied made them glean under the sun’s light. She wore a pair of washed-out black distressed shorts and an overly large band shirt that kept deliberately sliding off one shoulder, leaving it exposed for Adora’s gaze to latch onto.

But honestly, Adora wasn’t as distracted by Catra as she normally would be. Adora had woken up in a strange mood that morning. She’d had another nightmare— featuring a disembodied voice this time. It was low and threatening, but the words weren’t being directed at her. She could vaguely remember a mass figure shrouded by shadows standing over something— someone?—, leaning down and admonishing in a harsh tone. 

“What’s taking her so long,” Catra groaned.

Adora drew her hand up to block the sun as she looked up in Catra’s direction. At that moment, the door swung upon and Glimmer stomped out. “Are you complaining again?”

“When am I not?” Catra snarked.

Adora stood up and sprang off the steps of the porch. “Let’s go! We still have to pick up Frosta and Bow’s waiting with her.”

“Shotgun!” Glimmer and Catra shouted at the same time. They stilled and glared at each other before they raced towards the car, shoving Adora out of the way. Glimmer managed to open the passenger door but Catra wrestled her way into the seat. She kicked at Glimmer while simultaneously trying to close the door. Adora leaned against the car’s roof and watched it all play out for a few more seconds. She finally got bored and started the car. “Glimmer,” she barked, “take the back. You can ride shotgun on the way home.”

The pink-haired girl scowled and slammed the door, narrowly missing Catra’s legs. “If you guys flirt,” she grumbled, “I swear to god I’ll barf in this car. Don’t test me.”

Adora turned up the radio and ignored Catra’s smug smirk. 

* * *

“So,” Bow said as he climbed into the back after Frosta, “you must be Catra. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he beamed as he leaned towards her, offering his hand for a handshake. 

Catra gave him a critical gaze before offering him a short nod. “Adora’s mentioned you, _Beauregard_ ,” she drawled. “Badass name.”

He scratched the back of his head, clearly embarrassed but also extremely pleased. “I’ve got my dads to thank. I usually go by Bow though.”

Catra turned to look at Frosta. “What about you, pipsqueak? What’s your deal?”

“I’m eleven so shut the—”

“Frosta!” Adora warned. “I will turn this car around if you finish that sentence.”

The little girl sunk into her seat but brightened at Glimmer’s encouraging snickers. 

They talked about mundane topics and Bow and Adora made sure to curb the conversation whenever things started veering into testy waters. Soon Adora pulled into the small lot designated for Salineas’ Whale Watching and Harbor Tours, where she could see the rest of her friends already waiting outside. Sea Hawk jumped up from where he was sitting on the curb and extended his arms outwards as if wanting to envelop them all in a group hug. “Friends! Welcome!”

“I hate this already,” Catra whined. 

“Sea Hawk’s really cool!” Bow defended, “he’s just...a lot sometimes.”

They all got out of the car and were instantly assaulted by the mustachioed man (boy? He was college-bound— that counted for something, Adora thought) and their willowy blonde friend. 

“Oh you guys!” Perfuma exclaimed, “I haven’t seen you all in ages!”

“Perfuma,” Bow wheezed in the chokehold Sea Hawk had him in, “we went to your yoga class last week.”

She pinched a protesting Frosta’s cheeks. “Seven days is too long to go without your harmonious aura, Bow.”

The door opened and the little bell rang out as Mermista stepped outside to join them. “Yay. You guys finally made it,” she deadpanned. 

Adora rushed over to pick her friend up and twirled her around in a tight little spin. “I’m so proud of you! Valedictorian and record-breaker for the swim team.” She put the older girl down and gripped her shoulders. “I knew you could do it.”

Mermista rolled her eyes and pushed her away, but Adora could see how her cheeks darkened. “Don’t make it weird. Graduation was like forever ago and you were there, remember?”

She jutted her chin out to where everybody else was standing. “Who’s the new girl?”

Adora swung around and saw Catra leaning against the car, arms wrapped around herself, and giving Adora a blank stare. No, she corrected herself, not Adora but her hands, which were still on Mermista’s shoulders. 

She let go and gave Catra a sheepish wave, urging her to come forward. “Guys, this is Catra.” She felt a sly smile pull at her lips. “She’s Glimmer’s new cousin.”

“She’s not my cousin!”

“Shut up, Adora!”

Sea Hawk ran over to Catra. “How do you feel about boats?”

She scrambled back, arms out in front of her, ready to push him back if needed. “Dude, what the hell. Personal space.”

He stepped back and raised his arms, palms facing outwards. “My apologies. I am Sea Hawk! Adora and Glimmer must have told you all about me, I’m sure.”

“Literally never heard of you.”

Adora walked over and stood in between them. She leaned in close to Catra’s ear, “Remember the boat story…?”

Catra peered around Adora, “You’re the arsonist?”

He puffed his chest out, hair flopping around and resembling a proud rooster. “I like to think of myself as an accidental pyromaniac.”

“Sea Hawk?” Bow chimed in. “I was there and it was definitely not an accident.”

Sea Hawk rushed over to Bow’s side and covered his mouth with his hand. “Shh Bow. For insurance purposes, we must never speak of that.”

He faced Catra again and painted on a smile. “Nevermind that— how would you like to go on an ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME! Guided by yours truly.”

“Hard pass.”

Mermista squinted at her, “You scared of boats?”

“It’s okay if you’re scared. We’re all afraid of something,” piped Bow. 

“Yes! Fear is nothing more than chemical reactions in our body that just need to be soothed by positive thoughts and reassurance,” chimed Perfuma. 

“Oh my god Catra,” Glimmer gleefully exclaimed, “are you afraid of water? Is this why you’re a shower person instead of a bath person? All the pieces are coming together.”

Frosta scoffed, “I’m not afraid of anything! I just punch my fears away like this!” She jabbed Sea Hawk hard between the ribs and he collapsed, hands gripping the spot as though he’d been stabbed and was trying to prevent himself from bleeding out on the fishy pavement.

“I’m not scared!” Catra bit out. “I just don’t want Seagull yelling in my ear every time he sees something he thinks might be a whale.”

“The whales have actually migrated by now. It’ll mainly be dolphins,” Sea Hawk informed her, cheek against the concrete. 

“Whatever.”

Mermista threw her head back and let out a guttural groan. “Everyone on the boat before I change my mind.”

She walked over to where Sea Hawk was now convulsing on the ground and tapped his back with her boot. “Falcon’s manning the boat by the way.”

He curled into a little ball and covered his head with his arms. “Mermista, my dear,” came his muffled voice, “I bequeath all my belongings to you. Grieve me for an appropriate length of time before you move on. Name your first child after me so that I may live off of your love forever.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing that.”

* * *

As the boat churned onto the open water, Adora slid onto the bench next to Catra. 

“Hey,” she spoke in a low voice, ducking to catch Catra’s gaze, “you doing okay?”

When the boat had begun to move, Catra had immediately sought out the bench against the cabin and had not budged since. The poor girl had grown paler by the second and kept continuously running her hand through her curls until she grew too hot and pulled it up into a bun. Her eyes never lingered on the ocean for too long and she refused any and all invitations to get near the boat’s edge. Perfuma had sat down next to her for a couple of minutes before she was sent away with a scowl from Catra, raising her eyebrows amusedly at Adora as she passed by. 

Catra gripped her stomach as the boat lumbered over a particular rocky wave. “ ‘m fine,” she muttered around gritted teeth. 

A shadow fell over the two of them and Adora looked up to see Mermista staring down at them with a critical gaze. Adora could feel her foot start to tap against the washed-out hardwood deck. Of all her friends, Mermista may have been the last one Adora would want to find out about— whatever she was feeling towards Catra. The teal-haired girl was astute and blunt, but she also knew when to play her cards. If Mermista caught on, Adora knew with embarrassing clarity that she would mention it at the least possible convenient moment, when Adora would be caught wrong-footed and unable to refute the accusation. Adora wasn’t afraid of any of her friends, but she did admire Mermista with a healthy amount of wariness on the side. 

“Here,” she thrust a bottle of water and a pill in Catra’s face. “It’s for seasickness. I don’t want you throwing up on my boat.”

Catra eyed her suspiciously for a minute and slowly took what was offered. “Thanks,” she said to her scuffed shoes. Adora shot her standing friend a grateful smile as she waved a flippant hand. “Whatever. Meet us by the front of the boat in a minute. No excuses.” 

Adora rubbed Catra’s back as she shot back the pill and a sip of water. She couldn’t help but giggle at Catra’s disgusted expression but tried to tamper it down when she got a dirty look. Catra leaned back and into Adora’s touch; eyes closed and breathing in the ocean air. Adora sat back and admired her profile— how the salty air played with her wisps of hair that were too rebellious to fit into the bun she had, the way her freckles popped under the sun’s loving caress, how her jaw was as cutting as the sea’s glistening water. She swallowed hard and looked away. “What’s ocean in Spanish?” she asked loudly, trying to distract herself from the thoughts that flew around her head. 

Catra’s closed eyes scrunched in concentration. “ _Mar_ ,” she decided. 

“Mar?”

“Close. Don’t put too much emphasis on the ‘r’.”

Adora peered up at the sky. “What about seagull?”

“ _Gaviota_.”

Adora looked around for more but there was not much else she could ask for. She doubted Catra knew what parts of the boat were called. She patted Catra’s knee and stood up, offering her hand to give the other girl much needed stability. “We should probably head over before they send Frosta to come get us,” she stated. 

They walked over to where Perfuma seemed to be leading Bow and Sea Hawk through some stretches and Mermista looked on as Glimmer held Frosta back from the boat’s railing by the scruff of her collar. 

Mermista called everyone to huddle around her and she looked sternly between Adora, Bow, Sea Hawk, and Pefurma. She had an air of importance around her as if she wanted them to hold her next words in the highest regard, but Adora knew the older girl and she could recognize the sly glint in her eyes. “We’re the oldest so we’ve got to make sure that the babies of the group,” she gestured towards Catra, Glimmer, and Frosta, “don’t fall overboard.”

She walked into the wheelhouse and came out with three bulky, bright orange life vests and threw them in their direction. “Everyone under this height,” she raised her hand to the approximate top of an annoyed Catra’s head, “has to wear them. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“Your dad owns this business!” Glimmer fumed as she struggled to put on the life vest. Had Frosta not been mimicking her every move, Adora knew Glimmer would have thrown the life vest overboard. Adora caught Catra glaring daggers at Mermista, holding the life vest away from her as if it were a rotting fish. She caught Adora’s insistent gaze and reluctantly put it on after Adora jutted her chin in Frosta’s direction, encouraging her to set a proper example.

Then she took out her phone and snuck a quick picture of the three disgruntled girls. Which she promptly sent to everyone in the group chat and to Catra in a private message. 

Sea Hawk guided them towards the other side of the boat and Adora fell into step with Catra. She nudged her shoulder with her own and grinned. “You look nice,” she teased.

“Don’t start,” came the grumbled reply. Adora threw her head back and laughed, loud and bright. She loved her friends, but she had never felt this light around them. Catra’s mere presence was like a thin string connecting Adora to the material world and keeping her weightless, drifting among the clouds.

As they approached, they could hear Adora’s friends engaged in a raucous conversation. Sea Hawk laid his hand over his chest, “My specialty lies in whales and seagulls I’m afraid. But my dearest Mermista, on the other hand, is an excellent dolphin communicator!”

Pefurma latched onto Mermista’s shoulders and stared at her imploringly. “Please call them. Just for a little bit! They’re so cute and I haven’t seen one in so long.”

Frosta tugged at Mermista’s arm. “Come on! If you don’t, I’ll throw myself off this boat and _die_.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” Bow said, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Frosta stuck her tongue out at him, “I might!”

Mermista gave a put upon sigh but threw her braid over her shoulder, narrowly missing Sea Hawk’s face, and leaned over the rail. “I’m doing this for them, not for you guys. I just want to make that clear.”

She cleared her throat before opening her mouth and letting out a strange combination of screeching whistles and sporadic clicks. It sounded less like a dolphin and more like a pop-up carnival ride on its last legs but the dolphins seemed to be enamoured. They crowded around the boat and chattered with Mermista while everyone else stood around and cooed. Even Catra let out a tiny joyful noise, which Adora only heard because of how close they were. Perhaps she should take a step back, she thought; Catra’s back was completely engulfed by Adora’s front and Adora’s breath blew directly into the tip of her ear. But she knew how nervous Catra was and if Adora’s touch was what anchored the brunette, what did she care about posterity?

“Having fun?” she murmured into Catra’s ear, delighted by the shiver that elicited. 

“Not bad,” came the reply, the words so quiet they were almost blown away in the wind and swallowed by the sea. 

Catra slowly turned around to look at her, their faces so close her nose brushed against Adora’s. Something flitted behind her eyes, there and gone so quick Adora would have missed it if she hadn’t been studying Catra for as long as she had. Her lithe fingers played with the ends of Adora’s shirt; the bright red Hawaiin shirt she had called ‘an offense to humanity’ that morning. “Hey,” she said.

Adora stared dumbly back, not trusting her mouth to open and say anything coherent.

Catra looked out to the ocean and before Adora’s eyes, transformed into someone who seemed incredibly young and forlorn, searching for something Adora didn’t know how to provide. She suddenly and desperately wanted Catra’s eyes back on her, so she reached up to Catra’s face and carefully slid a lock of hair behind her ear, resting her hand on the smaller girl’s face. Her warm palm settled along the girl’s jaw and her rough thumb eased along Catra’s smooth chin. 

Her heart ached for Catra, the girl who never wanted to talk about her past but clung to it so hard and instinctively that her spine straightened anytime an adult addressed her and her hands always clasped themselves at her back. Her pristine hands would reflexively flex behind her back and she would pick at the cuticle on her left thumb, where her anxieties physically manifested. Adora wasn’t sure if she had ever met Weaver, but she hated the woman with an intensity that surprised her. 

Catra’s eyes bore into hers and the tip of her tongue came out to wet her lips. Adora followed the movement intently. “I’ve got a recital next weekend. I can get you a ticket if you’d like to come?” she asked, her words stilted and unsure. Adora didn’t like that; Catra was a force of nature and nothing short of extraordinary, she should never sound as small and doubtful as she did in that moment. Adora wanted to take a page out of Frosta’s book and throw herself overboard for being the reason behind Catra’s uneasiness.

Adora felt like her head was underwater. If she talked, a lungful of water would surely drown her. All she could do was nod and admire the slow smile dawning Catra’s face. 

“Umm hello? Other people are still here, you know?”

They both startled and Catra stepped back, ready to put some distance between them but Adora grabbed her hand and tethered her. Adora’s friends all looked at them with varying degrees of confusion (Sea Hawk and Frosta), elation (Bow and Perfuma), annoyance (Glimmer), and a carefully curated blank yet annoyed stare (Mermista). 

Adora tried to hide her flushed cheeks by peering over the boat’s edge and looking at the empty waters below them. “What happened to the dolphins?” she asked, hoping it would distract them.

Perfuma’s sunshine smile turned into a grimace. “Frosta scared them away.”

The little girl pouted, “I was just copying Mermista.”

The girl in question inspected her black nails. “Not everyone can be as talented as me.” She gave Frosta a quick pat on the head, “Keep practicing though.”

“Well I’m starving,” Glimmer announced. “Let’s go to Elberon. I’m dying for one of their burgers.”

While everybody coordinated rides and stumbled out of the boat, Adora kept her hand on the small of Catra’s back and kept her close. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Mermista stare at them with her eyebrows raised and a small tug at her lips. 

Adora shot her a glare. _What?_

A small raise of her shoulders. _I saw that._

_What do you know?_

A tilt of the head. _Everything._

Catra stiffened under Adora’s touch and stepped away. She jerked her head in Mermista’s direction, “You two seem close.”

Her words were cold and brittle, unlike any she had ever directed at Adora before. Adora hoped (begged and prayed to any higher power that would look upon mercifully at a poor lesbian) that it was jealousy she heard in Catra’s voice. 

“Yeah, I was her little.”

Catra gave her a confused look.

“There’s a program between the middle school and high school here in Bright Moon,” Adora explained. “The eighth graders get paired up with a sophomore.”

Catra scrunched her nose, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Adora shrugged in response. “It’s a Bright Moon thing.”

“Well, who was your little?”

“Some dude named Peter. He goes by Peek-a-Blue for some reason.” Adora looked up thoughtfully. “I don’t think I ever met him actually…”

Catra shook her head and pushed Adora away, running off towards the car and leaving Adora a dopey mess behind. 

* * *

After a long sun-filled day and bellies full of greasy diner food, the two girls were practically comatose on their bed. 

“Adora.”

“Yeah?”

“Give me a hot take.”

“The moon’s a lesbian.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“But did you know the sun is a lesbian too?”

“I don’t buy it.”

“What do you mean? It checks out.”

“Nope. The sun is a male.”

“That’s homophobic.” 

“Think about it. It penetrates the earth and its rays help the Earth cultivate new life. And— in most mythologies— the sun god is perceived as a dude. Apollo, Helios, Ra, Freyr, etcetera. I’ll give you the moon— Diana and Artemis were totally into women— but the sun? That’s a guy.” 

“Woah.” 

“You wanna know something though?”

“Tell me.” 

“Mother Earth is totally getting it on with both the sun and the moon. That’s why they’re never in the sky at the same time and when they are, they black out the Earth.”

“You should give a TedTalk.” 

“Told you; galaxy brain.” 

* * *

Adora spent the whole week leading up to the recital panicking. She approached Perfuma one afternoon to decide on what flowers she should bring, if any. 

(“I would love to help you pick out some flowers,” Perfuma said as she leaned back into the sun warrior pose. Adora peered down at her as she gave Adora one of her signature sunshine smiles, the bright kind that always left Adora feeling warm and seen. “We’re all really happy to see you like this. I hope you know that.”

Adora frowned at her, “Like what?”

Perfuma gave an easy shrug, “Happy.”

“I’m always happy,” Adora said in disbelief. 

Perfuma nodded. “Yes, but it’s just different now. You’re...lighter now. And I think I know why,” she gently teased. She studied Adora’s face as she transitioned into a handstand. “She likes you too, I can tell.”

“How?” Adora whined, resisting the urge to slump into the ground. 

“Woman’s intuition,” Perfuma responded sagely. 

Adora gaped, “I’m a woman!”

Perfuma looked at her sternly, “Are you eighteen yet?”

“…no.”

“Then you’re still a child.”

“Well you’re not eighteen either,” Adora reasoned.

“No,” Perfuma conceded slowly, “but I’m still older than you and a grade above you, so I’m wiser.”

Adora huffed and pushed her over.)

There were several times where she talked herself out of coming, only to talk herself back in. As she stood outside of Mystacor’s theatre, fingers curled tight around the butcher paper housing the variety of flowers she picked, she concluded that she might as well go in. After all, Catra had given her the softest, loveliest smile that morning when Adora reassured her that ‘yes, she was looking forward to tonight’. (Glimmer had gagged into her breakfast and Catra ‘accidentally’ spilled some of her orange juice on her eggs.)

She tried to smooth out the slight wrinkles in her light blue oxford shirt, but only managed to ensnare thorns in the cotton material of her shirt. In her haste to free the flowers, she jostled them and caused some petals to fall and dance around the legs of the nicest black jeans she owned. She swore under her breath and settled to hold them half an arm’s length away from her body, loosely holding them in her hands so as to not further damage them. 

She walked into the theater and was ushered to her seat, close enough to the stage that she would be able to clearly see the dancers but not so close that she would have to crane her neck. She had gotten an aisle seat and as she sat down, carefully placing Catra’s bouquet on her lap, she could feel the person next to her lean towards her and point at the flowers. “They’re beautiful.”

Adora looked up to see warm brown eyes peering into her, a gentle gaze followed by a friendly smile. The other girl had a shock of white hair that had been slicked back and outlined an undercut that curved into her shaved sides. She was tall and muscular, occasionally shifting in her seat to try to find a better position. Adora felt a pang of sympathy for her, it couldn’t have been easy for a girl with a frame like that to sit comfortably in the narrow seats they were in. Overall, she was very attractive and had Adora’s thoughts not been already occupied elsewhere, she was sure she could have developed a quick crush on her. 

Next to her was a small girl with purple hair pulled into pigtails who rambled into a recorder as her head swiveled around rapidly, closely observing all those who were coming in and finding their seats. She clearly did not care for the unspoken dress code as she was in overalls and an oil-stained undershirt. To her left sat an older boy who kept winking at anybody who made eye contact with him. He wore a white button-down shirt with little black flower designs and pressed black slacks. His white hair combined with almost glowing green eyes reminded Adora of the cartoon she religiously watched growing up— about the boy who was able to ‘go ghost’. 

“Thank you,” she responded. “They’re for my friend, she’s performing.” Obviously she was performing, why else would Adora be here with flowers if it wasn’t to watch someone she knew prance around the stage for an hour or two. Sometimes Adora wished she had the flexibility to kick herself whenever she said something particularly stupid.

“Nice! We,” the girl gestured towards herself and the other two figures next to her, “are here to watch our friend too. Who are you here to see?”

“Her name’s Catra,” Adora said, not being able to suppress the goofy little grin she could feel forming at the sound of Catra’s name coming out of her mouth. 

The other girl’s face transformed from one of polite friendliness to surprised joy. Her hands came up to press her cheeks together and Adora swore she saw her eyes sparkle. “We know her too!” she practically shouted. 

Adora sheepishly looked around and cowered under the dirty looks she got from those around them. “That’s cool,” she mumbled, as she slid down her seat. 

The taller girl brought down her elbow onto the armrest between them and propped up her chin. “You must be Adora,” she said, sounding almost awed. 

Adora could feel excitement bubbling within her, threatening to come spilling out as she felt the grin she wore widen. “Has Catra mentioned me?”

A large hand swept through the once neatly combed white hair, eyes rounding in panic, and the other girl straightened in her seat. “Shoot. Should not have said that,” she muttered to herself. 

The purple-haired girl leaned around her friend to stare quizzically at Adora. “You’re shorter than Catra described,” she informed Adora. She frowned, analyzing Adora even further, “And you don’t share a resemblance to any Greek Goddess I’m aware of.”

The girl situated in the middle let out a high-pitched, nervous laugh, “Entrapta, what are you talking about?”

“Well Catra said—”

“Anyway,” the other girl quickly interjected, “I’m Scorpia!” She shot out her hand, giving Adora a firm handshake. “That’s Entrapta,” the smaller girl gave her a short wave, “and that’s Hubert.” The boy leaned over, his chest practically pressing against his gangly legs, “Hello sister!”

Adora blinked. “Did you just— did you just wink at me?”

Scorpia leaned down to whisper in Adora’s ear, “His older brother was recently arrested for running a cult and Hubert is just trying to find his way right now. He’s still getting the hang of things, you know?”

The lights flashed and Entrapta put away her recorder while everyone shuffled to their seats and the theatre became silent.

Casta appeared on stage, hands clasped against her chest, and a beaming smile directed towards the audience. “Hello and welcome everybody to Mystacor’s Ballet Conservatory’s summer recital! Our ballerinas have worked long and hard for today’s presentation, so I would like to kindly remind you all that while photography and video are allowed, please turn off your flash. Thank you and enjoy!” She clapped her hands and bowed out. 

The lights in the audience dimmed and fell upon the stage. Chords of music began to float over them and Adora saw girls skip out of the wings, twirling around each other and gracefully falling into position. They formed rings around each other and slowly opened up as an elegant figure emerged from the center, gliding to the front of the stage and haloed by the glow of lights. It was Catra.

Adora leaned back into her seat, her heart lurching and leaping along with the lithe figure of her roommate. Her hair was done up in a bun, but unlike the day at the ocean, not a single curl was out of place. Adora mourned for the little wisps of rebellion but her grieving process was cut short as Catra jumped in the air and spun, spun, spun. Her silken skirt flowed after her, trailing along like water in a creek: gentle and lazy and oh so beautiful. Adora’s heart had grown too big for her chest and she could feel its beat reverberate along her body, solid and overwhelming; she was surprised she could still hear faint trails of music over its insistent thrum. 

Adora was so struck by awe that it took her a while to realize that no, Catra was not just dancing to dance— she was passing along a story. Adora followed every dip and curve and spin Catra performed, trying to piece together a semblance of meaning behind the sinuous shape’s movements. She’d heard of the phrase “poetry in motion” but this was more than that. This was Catra composing a ballad, a monologue, a full-on fucking sonnet.

It ended all too soon and as Catra bowed to the raucous applause, Adora saw as she closed her eyes and the corners of her mouth pulled in two different directions. 

* * *

Adora found herself waiting outside of the theatre with Catra’s friends, talking about anything and nothing at the same time. She had found out that Scorpia was very loose with information and cheerfully told Adora all she wanted to know about Catra. So far she had learned that Catra was afraid of rodents, loved fast chess, wanted a motorcycle, and had bonded with Scorpia and Entrapta in detention after they had snuck out and escaped a cult recruitment session.

“Yeah that was one wild detention,” Scorpia concluded in a nostalgic tone.

“Hey losers,” drawled a bored voice behind them. Catra came slouching out of the building, looking nothing like the prim and composed dancer she was half an hour ago. Adora wouldn’t have her any other way. 

Her friends all crowded around her, whooping and cheering while Adora hung back. She shoved the flowers behind her back and dragged the tip of her shoe along the floor, drawing nonsensical nonexistent lines and shapes. She saw a pair of shoes stop in front of her and watched those scuffed shoes lightly come down to stop her foot. She looked up to Catra’s magnetic gaze. “Hey, Adora.”

Something fluttered in her chest and Adora cradled the feeling tenderly. “You were,” Adora floundered for words. How could she describe what Catra had just done in a poetic way that did it justice? “Incredible.” Sappho truly had it out for Adora.

Catra’s eyes shone. “I know.”

Adora remembered the flowers she had half-heartedly hidden away and shoved them in Catra’s face, “These are for you.” Some of the flowers on the outer ring of the bouquet wilted sadly, but the ones placed in the middle stood tall and proud. 

Catra’s eyes widened momentarily and she gingerly took the bouquet, her warm hands grazing Adora’s colder ones. 

A shadow swooped over them and Adora startled as someone wrapped their arm around her shoulder and gave her a tight side hug. “Adora! I’m so glad you were able to come. Wasn’t Catra simply magnificent?”

“Oh, hey Casta. Yeah, Catra was...something else,” Adora said. 

The older woman gave Catra a fond smile and a quick shoulder squeeze. “I still have to stay a while longer and help clean up.” She turned to Adora again. “Would you mind giving Catra a ride home?”

Catra groaned embarrassedly, “Casta, I’m not a child. I can wait for you.” 

“No it’s fine,” Adora interjected hurriedly, “I’ll take you home.”

Catra and Casta both gave her curious looks at how quickly she intervened and Adora could feel a trickle of sweat run down her neck. “If you want,” she weakly added. 

Catra shrugged nonchalantly. “I guess I might.”

“Do you want to say bye to your friends first?” Adora looked around, not seeing any familiar brightly colored heads around. 

“They left a while ago,” Catra informed her. 

They said their goodbyes to Casta and made their way into Adora’s car. Adora rolled her window down to let some of the brisk night air in and Catra shivered in her seat. 

“Are you cold? Here.” Adora twisted to grab her letterman jacket from the back seat and placed it on Catra’s lap. Catra smoothed it out and traced the name sewed onto the back. Adora swore she could feel those fingers outline the letters along her own back, eliciting goosebumps down her arms. “Griego,” Catra enunciated, slowly and softly (and in Adora’s mind, dare she say— seductively). 

Adora didn’t think much of her last name. She knew it sometimes tripped and stumbled out of her friends’ mouths, but she couldn’t blame them. Sometimes she could feel her own clumsy tongue try to roll out the “r” to no avail. But in Catra’s mouth...it just was.

Catra shook her head and let out a little huff of air. “Of course that’s your last name,” she said under her breath. 

Adora cocked her head, remembering the comment Entrapta had let slip earlier. “What do you mean?”

Catra’s eyes stayed on the jacket but her gaze was miles away. “Have you ever read the Odyssey?”

Adora gave her a little nod; she hadn’t completely understood the heavy language on her own, but her English teacher had explained it well. 

“I loved how he described Athena’s eyes,” Catra continued. “Bright-eyed Athena...”

“Gray-eyed Athena,” Adora finished. She remembered that description, having admired the clever goddess and secretly wishing for her patronage. 

Catra’s gaze lifted, heterochromatic eyes lancing through Adora’s, glowing brightly under the parking lot’s lights. The car suddenly felt too small and Adora wanted to open all the windows, the space too stuffy for her to breathe or think. “I always imagined a blue tint to them,” Catra whispered. 

Adora saw space and time slow down as Catra closed her eyes, long eyelashes fluttered against flushed cheeks, bow-shaped lips parted slightly, and her lean body tilted towards Adora’s. 

Adora could feel her own body careen forward, a crevice forming between her brows as she tried to figure out what to do. Where did her nose go? Were her lips going to be soft enough? Where would she put her hands?

Adora never got to put those questions at ease because before they made contact, a car alarm went off a couple of rows ahead of them and they sprang apart. 

The charged air between them shifted into something heavy and awkward. Adora was breathing too quickly and Catra refused to turn her head to face her. Adora felt a rush of shame and disappointment course through her, and with a jolt, she realized she could feel her eyes begin to burn. She cleared her throat and started the car, an uncomfortable silence blanketing them both the whole ride back.

* * *

They stepped out of the car and faced the house, still mostly lit except for the upper room on the right facing the street, Adora’s room. Catra strolled past the front of the car and started heading down the pathway towards the front door. “You coming?” she called over her shoulder, not quite turning to look at Adora. 

“Uh, I think I'll check on my _Abuelita_ real quick.” She lightly rapped her knuckles against the car’s door. “Do you— Want to meet her?”

Catra finally faced her. “Like, right now?”

Adora nodded. “I’m sure she’d love to meet you,” she said softly.

She had no idea why she had extended that offer. Usually seeing her grandmother was something she did alone; it had been a long time since she’d invited any of her friends along. Not because she was ashamed or embarrassed by Razz, but because she was always afraid of her own reactions. Razz was the last living family member she could locate and more than half the time, she couldn’t remember who Adora was. She didn’t want the pitying stares she got from her friends as Razz would ramble on about her sweet Mara, so she stopped bringing them with her. 

But Catra was different. Catra was new and she wasn’t here to see how Adora’s whole world crumbled around her. She wasn’t here when her grandmother started to disintegrate, piece-by-piece. Catra was arriving near the end of the bittersweet story named ‘Razz and Adora’. If there were ever a time to introduce her to the hastily bound book, it would be when there were still a few pages left to cling to. 

“Please come.” Adora couldn’t recognize her own voice. It was young and shaky, things she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in years. 

Even with the great distance between them, Adora could see Catra’s resolve crumble before her. She threw her bag full of her dance clothes onto the porch and followed Adora across the lawn and into Razz’s rickety house.

“ _¿Abuelita?_ ”

The light from the living room turned on and the little old woman shuffled out, draped in her fluffy purple robe, and blinking owlishly behind her glasses. “Mara, you’re here! Could you help Madame Razz make some tea, dearie?”

“Sure thing, but first I want to introduce you to someone.” Adora extended her hand for Catra to take and gently ushered her forward. “This is Catra, and she’s a very good friend of mine.”

The brunette gave an awkward wave and a stiff smile. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you.” 

Adora did a double-take and had to press her lips tight together to suppress the laughter that threatened to erupt out of her. Catra’s voice had gone up in pitch and the words sounded rehearsed. Adora knew that voice; she’d heard it come out of her own mouth before. It was the ‘I’m in front of an adult who I don’t know and whose opinion may actually matter’ voice. The one she uses when she wanted a good first impression. 

Razz stared long and hard at Catra, perplexed, and then accepting. “Any friend of Mara’s is a friend of Madame Razz!” She gave her a toothy grin and herded them into the kitchen. Razz did most of the talking as she set up the kettle and put out the cups. Catra and Adora just hummed and nodded at the right moments, giving each other amused grins whenever the old woman said something particularly outlandish. 

When the hot water was ready, Razz insisted on drinking their tea outside on the front porch. Adora grabbed both their cups and lined up after her grandmother, with Catra rounding out the back. Adora set the tea on a wobbly round wooden table Razz had as she helped her grandmother sit on the cushioned paint-splattered rocking chair she was fond of. She carefully handed Razz her tea and watched as wizened hands wrapped themselves around the warm, chipped cup. They all looked up at the vacant night sky. 

“What happened to the stars?” Her grandmother sounded confused, melancholic, and more than a little frightened. Adora felt a lump in her throat; this was her grandmother and Adora was failing her.

“It’s light pollution, _Abuelita_. Bright Moon is really...bright,” she finished lamely.

Razz hummed and didn’t tear her wistful gaze away from the night sky. “The sky didn’t always look this empty,” she mumbled.

Adora felt a swoop in her belly. “Could you see the stars back home?”

“Where, dearie? New York?”

“No.” Adora stared down at her cup and fiddled with the teabag. “I meant Cuba.”

When she looked up, Razz was already staring at her with glazed eyes, lost in the years gone by. “I don’t know what you’re going on about, Mara. I’ve never even been to Cuba!”

Adora swallowed her sorrow. “Right.”

She felt a warm weight press into her arm and a hand curl into the crook of her elbow. She looked down at Catra, who was already peering at her with a somber gaze underlined by understanding. Adora gave her a fragile smile and pressed her lips to ghost along Catra’s temple. “Thank you,” she said in a hushed tone. What more could she say?

* * *

“I think I dream about you sometimes.”

“Obsessed with me?”

“I know you.”

“Yeah, we met like a month ago. Dude, are you okay?”

“You’ve got the best eyes. _Ojos_.”

“Go to sleep, Adora.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs: [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUZW6J_rGZo) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfGvPAAxr7E) and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqnRTfNfUvg)
> 
> Feel free to leave comments (Y'all don't know how often I go back and reread them, so thank you for that)


	4. you say that I'm better (why don't i feel better?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are revealed and things are undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all mistakes are on me
> 
> Also, I'm no therapist and it's been some years since I last saw one, so take this chapter with a grain of salt (is that the saying? I don't know. English is not my first language)

Adora’s leg bounced along anxiously as her gaze darted along the clean, eggshell blue walls decorated with various diplomas and pictures of landscapes her therapist had been too. She scanned the bookcase to her right, opposite the window, checking to see if any new book titles had been added since the last week she was here. When nothing new had been revealed, she turned to the plant on her left and played with its leaves, wincing as some fell under her touch. 

The door opened and her therapist came through, an easy lope in her stride. “Don’t worry about the plant, Adora. I’m afraid I’ve been overwatering it lately. I didn’t want to take any chances with the heat and I overshot my mark.”

Adora sunk into her seat, arms crossed over her chest. “I— I wasn’t worried,” she lied petulantly. 

Mara raised her eyebrows as she sunk into the chair opposite of Adora’s. “Right. So, how are things going with your new roommate? Catra, right?”

Adora straightened instantly, something flickering inside her at the question. “All good. In the hood. Dawg.” She grimaced at Mara’s blank stare. “Catra’s cool. We’re not here to talk about her! I’ve got other issues,” she exclaimed hotly. 

“Well then,” Mara shifted into a more comfortable position, “let’s get started then. Anything you want to get off your chest?”

Adora played with the hair tie she had around her wrist. “My mom’s birthday is at the end of this month.” She could vaguely see Mara lean into her armchair but Adora refused to make eye contact. “I feel like—,” she swallowed thickly, “I feel like she’d be disappointed in me.”

“Why do you say that?” Mara’s voice was gentle and soothing, a true therapist. 

Adora blinked hard, forcing her slightly blurred vision into clarity. “I’m not the Adora she raised me to be.”

“What Adora would that be?”

“That Adora would be,” she paused, trying to formulate what could— and should— have been into words. “She’d have the perfect grades and she’d have recruitment offers by now.”

“Adora, I’ve seen your grades and you’re an excellent student. How is that at odds with the other Adora?” Mara asked.

“Because I’m not the best!” Adora exploded. “I’m not THE top student and I’m not THE best player. How am I supposed to get into a top school if I have nothing to show for myself?” Her voice was climbing but she didn’t care. If she couldn’t voice herself here, at Mara, then where could she? “You don’t get it. I _have_ to get into a good school and I _have_ to do well. My family is counting on me to succeed. I need a career after college so that I can support Razz! So that I can find Adam! So I can know that my parents didn’t die ashamed of me!” Her chest was heaving and her voice cracked under the weight of what she had spit out. She was bleeding out and was too spent to stop it. 

Mara, to her credit, took it all in stride. She was scribbling away in her notepad (when she took that out, Adora had no idea) and would occasionally look up to see Adora flail her arms around. When Adora had finished, Mara crossed her legs and gave her an inquisitive look. “That sounds like a lot of expectations in such a short span of time.”

“It’s a long-term plan, Mara,” Adora retorted. “I’m sure you had one when you left Bright Moon and never came back.”

An uncomfortable silence threatened to suffocate them; it shoved it’s way down their throats and through their ears, rendering them momentarily mute and deaf.

Mara managed to pierce her way through. “I’m here now though. I came back.”

“Well, obviously your plan fell through somewhere along the way,” Adora could feel her lips twist into an ugly snarl. “But I’m not going to be like you. I won’t make the same mistakes you did.”

“Would coming back to Bright Moon be a mistake in your plan?” Mara asked, perfectly calm and collected.

“No,” Adora quickly bit out. “My grandmother is here. My friends are here.” 

“It sounds like you’re coming up with excuses,” Mara intoned.

Adora stared down at her fidgeting fingers. “I need to find Adam,” she said repeated quietly.

“You feel responsible for him.” A carefully laid out statement.

“I abandoned him.”

“No, Adora,” Mara’s voice had taken an insistent tone. They had gone down this road before. “You were a child. You had no control over what happened.” 

“I could have made more of an effort to keep track of him,” Adora argued weakly.

There was a long pause. “Why are you doing this, Adora? Why do you push yourself to the edge?”

Adora’s ears began to ring. “It’s better this way. It motivates me to keep my family safe, maybe even happy.” 

“And you? What do you want?” 

“I— It doesn’t matter,” Adora stuttered. “This is what I’m supposed to do.”

“You’re worth more than what you can give to other people. You deserve love too.” Adora may have imagined it, but she thought Mara’s voice had taken on a pleading tone. 

She looked away, her eyes following the leaves rustling on the tree outside. “I just feel tired.” 

Adora was always very tired.

* * *

She slugged into her room and dropped onto her bed, burying her face in pillows. Her whole body felt loose and her eyelids drooped, the fatigue she felt being pursued by drowsiness. The room was too hot but Adora couldn’t will herself to get up and turn on the air conditioner. She could barely find the strength to turn her head when she heard her bedroom door open. Melog sprinted through and jumped onto her bed, stretching himself over Adora’s back. Catra seemed to be in the same mood as Adora was, since she shuffled into the room and dropped herself into Adora’s desk chair. 

Adora lifted her head a little so that her mouth wasn’t pressed into the pillow. “Hey,” she mumbled. 

Catra closed her eyes— grunting in response— and released her hair from the ponytail it was in, running her fingers through her thick, curly hair. Adora watched, mesmerized, as her locks of hair fell upon each other like waves crashing against a cliffside, beautiful yet insuppressible— they always bounced back. 

Catra’s hypnotic demonstrations began to poke holes through Adora’s heat-stricken daze. Something rankled deep inside her mind; a memory or dream or both that rattled against all that Adora had locked away. 

She’d seen this hair, this face, before— she knew it. She shifted and Melog jumped off her back. “Come here,” she urged, patting the bed in invitation. 

Catra cracked an eye open to stare at Adora. Adora was too exhausted to make an earnest face so she settled with giving Catra her most pathetic one. It must have worked because Catra got up and flopped onto the bed next to Adora. 

They turned to face one another. 

Catra was the most alluring person Adora had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She had acknowledged that weeks ago. But to have her here, in Adora’s bed, after a session with Mara about her future and her past, it made Adora’s head spin. She could see herself, years from now, lying in bed on a hot day like this one with Catra next to her. She blinked and her Catra shifted and changed, her face a little narrower and her features a little more defined. She had laugh lines around her eyes and her bright eyes playfully sparkled as she waggled her eyebrows. Adora blinked again and her Catra was back. A hazy stare locked on Adora, blinking long and slow— content.

Adora didn’t know what was real or not anymore, and when she took Catra’s hand in hers, lacing their fingers together, she found herself not caring. Whatever it was, she knew she had to ruin it soon. “What did Shadow Weaver look like?” she asked her voice on the brink of a whisper but not quite there. 

Catra stiffened under her touch. “Like a bitch.”

Adora hesitated, but she needed to know, so she pushed through. “Do you have a picture of her?”

Catra rolled off the bed in an explosive move. “Why do you want to know about her so bad?” she snapped. 

She was breathing heavily and looked ready to bolt if Adora misspoke. So Adora measured her next words carefully. 

“I think…I’ve met her before.” She paused before letting Catra in. “I think I dream about her sometimes.”

The words hung in the air between them, like a line that kept them from drifting further out to sea. Catra slowly waded back to the bed, never breaking eye-contact with Adora, before she carefully sat down. Adora stayed laid out on her side; she thought Catra would appreciate having the upper hand in this delicate moment.

“You remember.” It was a statement.

Adora played with a loose thread on her pillowcase. “Bits and pieces. I’ve never actually seen a face.”

“So how do you know?” An accusation this time.

Adora looked up. “I’d recognize you anywhere. Asleep, awake, and whatever comes in between. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Catra said nothing and Adora rearranged the thoughts in her head into a pattern that made sense. “Why didn’t you remind me?” she asked.

Catra sighed, a weary thing that ghosted past her lips, “I was new there too, did you know that? I didn’t want to get attached to anyone because I thought I’d leave soon.” Adora saw how her nostrils flared and saw her hands tremble. “And I was hospitalized for a little bit.” Catra turned her head away from Adora and her shoulders shook, once, before she straightened them and took a deep breath. “The last time I saw my mom, she was in the hospital. So when I was sent to Weaver’s hellhole, I thought that if I could make myself sick, I could go back to the hospital and sneak into my mom’s room.” She let out a hollow laugh, the sound gripping Adora and chilling her from the inside out. “It was a stupid idea. But what does a kid know about dying?” Catra was blinking rapidly and her mouth kept moving around, constantly in motion so they wouldn’t fall into the downward spiral they wanted to. “You were gone by the time I came back. I honestly thought you’d forgotten.”

Adora felt numb. Her breathing was shallow and it seemed like her lungs were pushing up against her ribcage; it hurt to breathe so she stopped. She held her breath for as long as she could, stilling and letting the words float around them, crawl into her and carve themselves into her very bones. When she was dead and gone, nothing left but her skeleton laid out deep in the earth, there would the words finally reveal themselves and break free. There would Adora find the ones she needed to say.

But she was here, alive, and so the words escaped her. 

So she sat up and curved towards Catra, willing to burn her with Adora’s own brand so that their remains would bear the same marks when all else had withered away. 

“I had a brother. Have a brother. My twin, Adam. He got lost in the system. Disappeared.” Adora bit the inside of her cheek. “More like I vanished. I was the one who got pulled out and was brought into this life at Bright Moon. Adam’s still out there somewhere.” Her brother was someone she held very dear in her heart. There was a time when there was no Adora without Adam. He was her other half— at times she would think to herself that he was the better half. She missed her brother fiercely, more than she missed her parents. He had been with her since before birth and their swift separation left her a bleeding mess. She would feel phantom pains at random times and she swore it was Adam, communicating with her from another life. But even so…

“I’m glad it was me,” she said, speaking quietly so that the spirits of her parents who followed her relentlessly from the corner of her eyes couldn’t hear how selfish their daughter had become. “I feel terrible, but I’m glad I was the one who came here.”

She couldn’t bear to look at Catra’s face, probably filled with disgust at the revelation of who Adora truly was: an awful sister and an even worse person. She could feel her anxiety and sadness rise within her, knowing that if Catra were to abandon her, Adora would break. Instead, she felt Catra shift towards her, brushing their shoulders together. 

Catra aimed to make the deeper cut. “I’ve got family somewhere,” she said. “I don’t know where they are or even who they are, really. I just remember hearing my mom talk to them on the phone all the time. She had land— my grandfather split his land evenly for all his kids and she got the house. We were supposed to go visit...” She twisted to look out the window. “I know they’re out there and I’m going to find them one day.” Her voice was so strong and full of faith, Adora could not do anything but believe.

“Maybe,” her voice wavered, “I could go with you? To help you look.”

Catra turned back to her for the first time since their secrets had spilled out under the sun’s watchful gaze instead of the moon’s gentle pull. “That would be nice,” she said. She furrowed her brows and bit her lip. “Maybe—,” she started, “maybe we can find Adam along the way.”

Adora grinned, salty tears trekking down her face. “We’ll make a road trip out of it.”

Catra gave her a sad, closed-mouth smile as she reached up to wipe Adora’s tears away. 

* * *

“She really was a bitch. Shadow Weaver,” Catra clarified. It was their turn to set up the dining table so they were waltzing around each other as they set the table for five people. Glimmer was supposed to help but Bow called for an emergency and so she had been excused. Adora didn’t think deciding which board game his family should play counted as an emergency, but nobody asked for her opinion.

Adora knew Catra wanted to say more, so she continued to fiddle with the forks she had in her hand and let Catra carry the conversation at her convenience. “I don’t think I want to continue ballet.”

Adora’s head snapped up in surprise, but Catra was looking at the kitchen door, where they could hear Casta and Angella snark at each other about the right level of spice for the dish they were making. 

“I don’t hate it, but I don’t want to do it forever.”

Adora made a tiny noise in understanding. “Does Casta know?”

Catra gave a deep sigh, deflating like a pricked balloon. “No. I think I’ll tell her tonight.”

Adora tripped over a chair’s leg. “Tonight?” she asked, stunned.

Catra shrugged, painfully nonchalant. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while.” She brushed past Adora as she set down their cups, “Will you be there?”

“Where?” Adora asked dumbly.

“With me. When I tell her.”

Adora bit the inside of her cheek. She didn’t want to get involved in what was going to happen. But Catra wanted her there— maybe even needed her there— so that’s where Adora would be.

“If you want me.”

* * *

Dinner had gone by quickly— too quickly in Adora’s opinion. It was as if someone were fast-forwarding through a movie, trying to get to their favorite part as quickly as possible. All Adora wanted to do was drag her heels in and delay the inevitable.

But she found herself going through the motions until she was standing next to Catra outside of the guest room door, where Casta lurked inside. They could hear the floating sounds of violin strings and the crashing of cymbals; she was most likely coordinating the next recital already and Adora felt a rush of anxiety at the thought of going in there and facing Casta. Adora turned to Catra and saw her gather her courage, her body loose and her jaw tight. Catra knocked on the door and Adora wanted to bolt. She briefly debated excusing herself to use the restroom, but the door opened and Casta appeared before them. If she was surprised to see them there, she did not show it. “Hello, girls! Is everything alright?”

Catra nodded and cleared her throat, “Casta, can we— I— talk to you?”

Casta’s bright smile took a confused turn but she ushered them in nonetheless. Adora hung back by the doorway, her hand preventing the door from fully closing. She leaned against the dresser and looked around the neat room Casta had been calling home since summer began. There were a few pictures on the dresser, one of Micah and Casta as children, another one of their whole family at some kind of reunion, and another, interestingly enough, of Casta and Catra on a stage, both in the same pose with matching poise. One leg extended outwards, their arms raised upwards, and their chins tilted dangerously in defiance— they knew what they were capable of and they wanted others to know as well. 

“I want to stop dancing,” Catra said, breaking Adora out of her reverie.

Casta took a step back, stunned, but not yet showing any signs of distress. Adora counted that as a win. She began to turn away from them in increments until her back was facing them, her arms akimbo and her head low. She carefully made her way over to the bed, her body subconsciously swaying to the music that continued to play from her vintage phonograph, and sat down. The Casta that faced them was not the Casta Adora knew. The one who was always a little too happy to go over the speed limit, the one who would get easily flustered when Micah recounted a childhood story, the one who would mock her stuffy coworkers from the safety of Bright Moon; this was Director Han, composed and curious to hear why her hopes and dreams were leaking out of the room. 

“May I ask why?” Professional and detached. Adora felt the back of her neck burn; she had the same pit in her stomach as she did the one and only time she was sent to the principal’s office. Catra’s hands flew to her back and Adora could see how they flexed from where she stood— never a moment’s rest.

“I started dancing because someone made me take classes,” Catra began tentatively as if she was trying to find the right words that would let the rest unravel. Casta’s face darkened at the unspoken ghost that haunted the conversation and Adora felt an iciness frost over her heart. 

“I think I like it,” Catra continued, “but I don’t want to devote my life to something I had no control over in the first place.”

And just like that, Casta cracked. Her spine lost its rigidness and she doubled over, her head in her hands as she let out a low keen. Catra and Adora rushed over, Adora hovering nervously above them as Catra kneeled and rocked into Casta’s legs. 

“Catra, I am so sorry,” Casta choked out, “I hadn’t thought...I was too...I should have known.” She shook her head and refused to make eye contact with either of them. “Micah would have known. He _had_ known. He tried to tell me…” her voice was too full of emotion to continue and Adora had to look away. It hurt her, to see this woman she loved so fiercely come apart and think she brought it upon herself. And she did— love Casta, that is. The stubborn woman who corralled Adora into her car last summer and insisted she be the one to teach Adora how to drive. It had been a disaster, but Adora had fun that afternoon. Casta was also the one who had stumbled upon Adora when she had received her score for the AP Euro exam; she was the only one who had seen how Adora had fallen apart at the score she received. They’d had a long talk about expectations and the weight of family, and when it was over and Adora had begged her not to tell Angella or Micah, she had readily agreed. Adora and Casta weren’t kin, but they were kindred spirits.

She was beginning to see that the same went for Catra. 

A familiar blur whizzed by Adora’s legs and jumped into Casta’s lap. “No,” Catra said, her voice strong and broken all at once, “I should have told you sooner. I— I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

Adora felt a sharp pain in her chest; she knew that sentiment well. 

Casta finally lifted her face to look at Catra with horror strewn across her face. “Catra, I would _never_ be disappointed in you for speaking up for yourself. I am so proud of you.”

“Then why are you so sad?” Catra asked, the words barely audible, intertwining themselves with the music that still danced around the room— mocking the two ballerinas. 

Casta’s face crumbled once more. “I’ve pushed my dreams onto you,” she shamefully responded.

Adora wondered how many times Casta had sculpted Catra in her image. How many times had she straightened her here and curved her there? Adora could see it all so clearly: a young Casta teaching an even younger Catra, guiding her through the stretches and steps. Casta knew this girl longer and better than anybody else; Weaver had not bothered with her for anything outside of the glory and prestige of having a ballet prodigy as her ward. But Casta cared, Adora knew she cared because caring was what Casta did best. She knew this woman had probably shown Catra the care and tenderness that lacked at Weaver’s. Catra may have not been her foster daughter for long, but the bond had been forged ages ago in moments and moves nobody else could follow. 

The years fell away and Adora only saw this: a not-quite mother and her not-quite daughter clinging to each other and rearranging to fit a little neater.

Adora took her bow and retreated.

* * *

She was bent over her desk, furiously sketching a vague outline of some constellations, when Catra and Melog silently entered. Catra was wiping a few stray tears away and Adora found herself standing and reaching for her. She felt her blood rush to her ears when she realized what she had instinctively done and began to stammer out excuses, gathering her things to leave the room when she felt a hand wrap firmly around her wrist. Catra’s grip loosened and her hand slid from Adora’s wrist to tangle their fingers together. “Stay. Please.” 

So they stood there for a while, Catra looking down at their hands and Adora focused on Catra— willing to catch her if she fell. But Catra was almost in a trancelike state as she walked them towards Adora’s bed and gently urged the blonde to sit down. She turned away from Adora and grabbed her pyjamas, starting to strip in front of her. Adora’s face flushed and she quickly rolled onto the bed until her forehead was pressed against the cool wall, her face scrunched in concentration as she tried to calm her racing heartbeat. She saw the room go dark and felt the bed dip as Catra slid in next to her. There was a light touch between her shoulder blades and Adora cautiously turned to face Catra. 

“Hey, Adora,” Catra said, her voice so soft Adora felt comfortable resting her heart upon it. 

“Hey,” Adora responded. They stared at each other and Adora felt like there was something she was missing, a cue she had failed to pick up. “That was really brave of you.”

Catra hummed and closed her eyes. “It was whatever. Had to do it sooner or later I guess.”

Adora persisted earnestly, “Still. It took a lot of courage. _Coraje_. That’s a strange word. It means courage and anger, depending on when you use it. Which you probably know, but don’t you think it’s weird? Language is—”

“Adora,” Catra interjected. “My therapist said I should start verbalizing what I want.”

“Oh,” Adora swallowed. “That sounds like good advice.”

A sliver of moonlight came in through the window, shining down upon Catra’s face, making her amber eye a luminescent yellow. Foolishly, Adora thought to compare it to the moon from a children’s book her _mamí_ used to read to her. ( _Bajo la Luna de Limón_. Adora couldn’t remember her parents all that well, the way they talked and sounded and smelled and felt, but she did her best to remember what she could. She would never forget.) 

Catra had braided her hair and it snaked around her throat, the end tuft tickling Adora’s hand, the one that was stretched out between them. Adora slid her hand closer and began to play with the tuft, raking her fingers through the little currents and watching as a shiver rippled through Catra. The brunette scooted closer to Adora until their foreheads were pressed together and their breathing echoed each other. Catra breathed out and Adora breathed in, stealing her air to live off of for as long as she could. 

Catra moved her head slightly, bumping her nose against Adora’s. Adora couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, could hardly breathe. Catra looked so beautiful that something in Adora ached. She wanted to stay here forever, encased by amber and perfectly preserved. She wanted to wrap her arms around the slender girl and hold her close; to mold her body against Adora’s so that Catra would be with her always. Adora wanted to be brave. 

“Adora,” Catra said quietly. Her breath warm against Adora’s frozen face. 

Her hands were shaking. Did they normally do that? Adora couldn’t remember. A low static hum began to build up between her ears, becoming louder and clearer until the ringing became as loud as the bell tolls from the church by the wharf, the one that always smelt like the seaside air and never like fish.

If she just tilted her head and dipped it, her lips would be pressed against Catra’s. _This_ , Adora thought, _was what summers were for_. 

But. 

But, but, but. 

Adora was a coward, with too many issues that made her head hurt if she tried to list them all. To put it simply: she wasn’t good enough. Not for someone like Catra who was trying to get better. Adora would only halt her progress, drag her down to Adora’s own pathetic depths of despair. Adora knew Catra was clawing her way out of her own pit of trauma; it wouldn’t be fair to add a relationship on top of all that. Adora couldn’t do many things right, but she could do this for Catra. 

She pulled away and steadily rolled on her back. She threw her arm across her face and tried her best to regulate her breathing. “I’m sorry, Catra,” she whispered.

She couldn’t see Catra, but she could feel the bed move under her as Catra readjusted herself. When Adora dared take a peek, she found Catra laying on her side, back towards Adora, and curled in on herself. Adora bit her lip and returned her gaze towards the ceiling. 

It took a while, but after several hours Adora was finally able to drift off. And she wasn’t all that sure, but she thought she could hear someone softly crying, miles and miles away.

* * *

Adora was in the wicked house once more. This time, she found herself in what appeared to be the living room. All the windows were shuttered yet there was a cold draft sweeping through the room, raising the fine hairs on Adora’s arms. However, the true bone-chilling aspect was the woman standing in the middle of the room, her shadowy figure outlined by the dark fire blazing in the fireplace. Her low, menacing voice crooned throughout the room and settled into every crook and cranny it could find. The woman’s bony fingers were cradling the face of the young girl that haunted this house; the child Adora knew now to be Catra. 

Adora felt something begin to wither away inside of her chest at the sight before her. Catra was so small and the large force of a woman before her too full of hate and loathing for the world— funneling it towards the small brunette. But Catra was a defiant little thing, hissing and spitting any time the woman swooped down and dragged a skeletal finger against her flushed, round cheeks.

Adora could feel her fear crawl throughout her, threatening to keep her feet rooted where she stood. But Adora was older and stronger now; this shell of a woman could not hurt her, not when she was nothing more than dust to be blown away— her body falling apart at its seams. 

So Adora lifted her feet from the rotting floor, doing away with the weeds that wrapped around her legs, and walked towards them both. Adora was careful to not brush against Weaver as she walked past her to crouch down to Catra’s level. They stared at each other and no words were needed. 

They walked out of the house— hand in loveable hand— and as the door shut behind them, Adora knew she would never dream of that empty place again.

* * *

Adora woke up cold and sprawled across her bed— alone. She sprang out of bed and swung her head around, searching for Catra as if the other girl was simply hiding behind the desk or the dresser. Adora hurried out of her room and scoured the hallway, checking the bathroom and briefly peeking into Casta’s empty room. She wandered aimlessly until she stopped at Glimmer’s door and let herself in. The pink-haired girl was seated on her bean bag chair in front of the television, playing a video game that involved a little purple dragon. Her eyes were bloodshot as if she’d been there the whole night. Adora knocked on the doorframe and Glimmer grunted in acknowledgment. “Have you seen Catra?” Adora asked, her voice still holding a sleepy rasp. 

“She left this morning,” Glimmer said, leaning her body to the left along with the controller she held in her hands. “She’s spending the weekend at her friend’s.” 

Adora slumped against the doorframe, “Oh.”

Glimmer squinted up at her and the tiny dragon on the screen fell off a cliff. “Did something happen between you two? She seemed...off. And you look awful.”

Adora let out a heavy sigh and plodded over to Glimmer’s bed, where she let herself fall with a tired ‘oomph’. She wanted to tell Glimmer everything; she wanted to get rid of all the feelings festering in her chest. But if she were to tell Glimmer, she risked a verbal assault from someone who knew Adora well and who knew exactly what to say to drive her points home. Glimmer had the power to cut Adora down, she had done it before. They both had— nobody could hurt you as effectively as a sister. 

But Adora was tired of being alone with her mistakes and misgivings. 

“I almost kissed Catra,” she blurted out. 

Glimmer shot up out of her bean bag and hovered over Adora, her sleep deprivation making her appear deranged. “What?” she shouted. 

Adora swallowed hard. “Well technically, she almost kissed me.”

Glimmer blinked. “What?” she repeated loudly.

“Okay, I know you heard me,” Adora complained, her cheeks growing hot under Glimmer’s disbelieving stare. 

“What the fuck? Why would you kiss _Catra_?” 

Adora sat up, almost banging her head against Glimmer’s, and frowned. “Hey! Catra’s cool. Anyway, nothing happened.” She hunched over and played with her shirt. “I ruined it,” she said shortly. 

Glimmer sat next to her and they let the silence envelop them for a little while. “What happened?” she asked tentatively.

Adora sighed resignedly, “I stopped her the second time. Yesterday”

“The second—? Okay, what about the first time?”

Adora rubbed her temple. “We were interrupted by a stupid car.”

She could see Glimmer nod out of the corner of her eye— lost but supportive. Adora shot her a tiny smile in appreciation. “So,” Glimmer drawled, “why did you stop her yesterday?”

“Because we’ve got,” she waved her hands around as if conducting her own life’s tragedy, “issues.”

She felt Glimmer’s hand rest gently on her arm. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your issues aren’t going away any time soon.”

Adora rolled her eyes, “Thanks for that. Glad to see therapy is working out for me.”

Glimmer smacked her shoulder. “Listen, if you wait for the right moment, you’re never gonna get it. YOLO.”

Adora gave her an incredulous look. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” she said, her words coated in disgust. Adora huffed and rubbed the back of her neck defeatedly. “I just don’t want to ruin our relationship. Or her. She deserves everything I can’t give.”

Glimmer stayed silent for a beat. When Adora turned to her, she saw Glimmer’s cloudy expression and how she bit the inside of her cheek in thought. “I think you should go for it,” she began slowly. “You deserve some happiness, and while I don’t get why Catra’s a part of it, it’s obvious she likes you too.”

“You don’t think I screwed up?” Adora asked, her voice too childish for how old she felt. 

“Nah. She’s crazy about you. She didn’t invite _me_ to her recital, and we’re practically family,” Glimmer finished in a mutter. 

Adora sat and ruminated over Glimmer’s words. Maybe she couldn't give Catra everything she deserved, but she could give her everything Adora had. And maybe, just maybe, Adora could let herself take a little something in return. With that in mind, she had a better grasp of what she needed to do when Catra came back and she felt lighter with the possibility of what was to come. 

“Aww, I’m going to tell her you said that,” Adora teased as she got up and walked out of the room.

“Don’t you dare!” Glimmer screeched, running after Adora.

They both laughed as they thundered down the stairs, playfully shoving one another as they raced to the kitchen. 

Casta and Angella were already in there, speaking to one another in low murmurs, matching grave looks on their faces. Adora felt the bottom of her stomach drop— the two women were rarely so somber and practically never in agreement. Glimmer seemed to sense the mood as well and she froze in the doorway. “Mom? What’s going on?” 

Angella rose and shook her head. “Glimmer, can you please give us a moment alone with Adora?”

Her chest constricted and Glimmer trembled beside her. “Is it dad?”

Angella walked over to them and placed a tender hand on Glimmer’s cheek. “No, my darling,” she murmured. “I promise your father is fine. Please. Give us a moment.”

Glimmer let out a small sigh of relief and nodded. She shot Adora a concerned look before walking out of the room and back up the stairs. 

“Come, Adora. Why don’t you sit down?” Angella placed her hand between Adora’s shoulder blades and gently guided her to the chair she vacated. 

“What’s wrong? Is...is Catra okay?”

Casta leaned over and took one of Adora’s hands in hers. “She’s fine.”

She looked over at Angella, who took a deep breath before facing Adora. “It’s Madame Razz. She is in the hospital and...she is in critical condition.”

Adora heard a familiar ringing in her ears as she rushed to the sink and threw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started working on another fic so the updates for this one may not come as quickly as they used to. Also, the next chapter is kinda sad and I have to find the right balance. 
> 
> Feel free to comment!


	5. everything i know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In this album, there's a picture  
> Of Abuela in Havana"  
> \-- In The Heights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It reached the point where I'd either post this now, as is, or forever forget about it (Writing is harder than I previously believed). I hope y'all take it
> 
> shout out to [beantow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beantow/pseuds/beantow) , [Bow_woahh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow_woahh/pseuds/Bow_woahh) , and [yangaf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yangaf/pseuds/yangaf) for their input

Adora walked aimlessly down the sidewalk, lost in a trance of endless possibilities that ran through her head.  _ What would she do _ , she thought,  _ if her grandmother were to die? _

Well, she’d have to plan the funeral. Razz would probably want to be cremated and scattered along the Whispering Woods. But how would she pay for a funeral worthy of a woman like Razz? Should she wait to scatter her grandmother’s ashes? Would Adam hate her if she did it without him or would he understand that she just wanted their grandmother to find some final peace? 

But there was one recurring, selfish thought that continued to pester her, swarming around her head like a bothersome fly that refused to die: What family would she belong to if there was no one left?

Adora shook her head and cursed her stupidity. This was all her fault. She was the one who slept in and hadn’t been there to give Razz her insulin shot; she hadn’t been there to stop her from eating the pie. Now her grandmother was in the hospital and the reports were… not great, to put it lightly.

The old woman was fragile and her health was delicate; it had been for some time now. It was the whole reason why Adora almost went back into the foster system; she was lucky Glimmer’s family swooped in at the nick of time and offered to foster her. Razz hadn’t been fit to care for another person, and now, it was clear she wasn’t fit to care for herself. 

She jumped when she felt a firm hand land on her shoulder and she instinctively turned around and swung her arm. 

“Bow!” Glimmer cried out. 

Adora winced and hurried to help Bow up from where he sat on the ground, rubbing his jaw with a look of pain blooming across his face. “It’s fine,” he grunted. “Totally my fault. I thought you heard me.” 

He dusted himself off and leaned into Glimmer’s touch. They both stared at Adora with worried eyes and matching looks of consternation etched on their faces. Adora felt a hot spike of anger and turned away from them to continue walking. She heard them begin to follow her and she ground her teeth together; couldn’t they see she wanted to be on her own?

“We know what you're thinking, Adora,” Bow said. “And we know that if we leave you alone, you’ll continue to spiral.”

“Come back home,” Glimmer insisted. “We’ll figure it out together.”

Adora spun on her heel and gave them her most piercing glare. “This isn’t something that can just be magicked away with ‘the power of friendship’,” she viciously mocked. “This is reality! My  _ abuelita _ could die!” 

“We know,” Bow soothed, his eyes growing impossibly soft and desolate. “We can’t help Madame Razz, but we can help you.” He tilted his head and his frown ticked upwards. “Let us help you.”

Adora felt her head shake in protest, even though all she wanted was to accept the offer and share the burden she carried. The weight of her worries pressed down on her and shaped her shoulders into uneven lines of defeat. “I can’t,” she said resignedly. 

Glimmer stepped forward and slid her arm around Adora’s back. “We’ve got you.”

And so, Adora let herself go limp and allowed her two best friends to support her home. 

* * *

It was past noon when Adora finally stepped back inside the Han household. That morning— after she had finished throwing up— she had raced out of the door and ran throughout the streets of Bright Moon with no real end goal in sight. She just needed to feel in control of her body, the one that threatened to crumble at the slightest word. 

They were met with low voices coming from the living room, frantic and confused. But there was someone else, another deep voice that quelled any and all worries— one that had been absent from this house the whole summer. Adora and Glimmer traded shocked looks and practically ran towards the living room. 

“Dad!”

“Micah!”

The sorely-missed man turned around, his shoulder-length hair a mess and out of its usual updo, and gave them a tight little grin. Full of worry but not without its usual warmth as well. “Hey girls. And Bow.”

Glimmer rushed towards her father and wrapped her arms around his middle, burrowing her face into his chest. Micah hugged her back for several moments before he gently dislodged her from his chest and stepped towards Adora. He seemed much older than he had when he left; his face full of lines and his demeanor defeated. He opened his arms and gave her a sorrow-filled gaze. She crashed into him and gripped at his broad shoulders, biting down on her lip to keep her sobs locked inside. He patted the back of her head and gently rocked them side-to-side. 

“I’m sorry, Adora. I came as soon as I heard,” he murmured. She nodded rigidly and let his calm presence wash away her anxieties. 

Adora heard Casta usher Bow and Glimmer out of the room and into the kitchen. She slowly stepped back from Micah’s embrace and felt proud of herself for not breaking down. Angella stepped next to Micah and clasped his hand, both going through a quick nonverbal conversation before they turned to Adora. She was afraid of what they might say, so she lunged into the silence and broke it first. 

“Do you think it’s time she gets sent away to a home?” As the word fell out of her mouth, Adora felt a deep-rooted shame begin to bloom within her. Was Razz a problem she couldn’t handle anymore and decided to shove off into someone else’s hands? 

Micah and Angella exchanged a concerned glance. “We are not sure,” Angella began, “but we do think she can no longer live by herself.”

Adora sat on the couch and nodded up at them resolutely. She knew that, had come to terms with that, but where did that leave Razz? 

“I’ll take care of her.” She was surprised at how steady her voice was. “I’ll move back in and I’ll do better this time.”

Micah shook his head. “You can’t. The foster system won’t let it happen and we won’t either.”

Adora clenched her fists and willed her body to stop trembling. “There isn’t another option! I don’t have the money to get her the care she needs. She’s  _ my _ responsibility.”

“Oh, Adora,” Angella said as she sat down next to her, “Madame Razz has taken care of us since we were children. Let us return the favor.”

Adora gave her a bewildered stare. “I— I don’t understand,” she stammered out. 

Micah set a fatherly hand down on her shoulder. “We want to help Razz, and you, if you’ll let us. Angie and I have discussed it and we would like to hire a live-in nurse.” Adora blinked rapidly, trying to keep her tears at bay and failing miserably. 

“But I can’t pay you back right now,” she said in a pained voice. 

Angella brushed a tender hand across Adora’s cheeks, wiping her tears away. “We are not asking for payment. Madame Razz is family—  _ you _ are family. We want to help,” she said simply. As if Adora wouldn’t think of this kindness for years to come. 

Her heart began to slam against her ribcage, threatening to burst out of its cage, yet her lungs began to expand in retaliation, her breaths coming out a little easier than before. Her jaw clenched shut to the point of pain and she nodded stoically, hoping the two adults knew her lack of response was due to a wealth of emotion that threatened to crack her clean in half.

* * *

Adora walked down the white-walled hallway, her footsteps echoing loudly in the hallowed hall. Her clammy hands played with the stuffed toy she held as she scanned the room numbers, anxiously dreading to see her grandmother but wanting nothing more than to be at her side. She stopped in front of Razz’s room and found it difficult to take the few extra steps. She didn’t want to face what waited for her behind the door. But her grandmother needed her.

She extended her arm and slowly pushed the door open, holding her breath as the door creaked in protest. The room was eerily silent, the only sounds being Razz’s steady, monitored heart and her labored breathing. The curtains were pulled back, the sunlight illuminating on the small frame lying on the stiff bed. She stepped closer and noticed how the sunlight transformed her grandmother, making her seem almost angelic. Adora didn’t know if that thought was supposed to ease the tightness in her chest or coil it even further.

Her hair was splayed out over the stiff hospital provided pillow, wild and unruly— echoes of the woman’s spirit now spent. There were tubes coming out of her grandmother from every which way. A ventilator covered the lower half of her sunken face and the hospital gown swallowed her whole, her frail arms barely visible. Her glasses were on the bedside table and her usual wide owl-eyed expression was replaced by a heavy squint— the medication she was on slowing her blinks infinitesimally. 

Adora cautiously approached the bed. “Hi  _ abuelita _ ,” she whispered. She lifted Loo-kee up and wiggled him around half-heartedly. “Look who I brought.” 

Her grandmother continued to breathe heavily and, with great effort, lifted her arm to reach for Adora. The spooked child instantly shoved the toy into Razz’s outstretched hand but the old woman feebly waved it away. She reached once again and Adora closed the gap between them as she slid her large hand into the smaller, frailer one. The moment their hands clicked together, Adora felt her own bones rattle inside her. A chill ran down her spine and she let it scurry down to her fingertips. Someone had walked over her grave.

Razz gave her granddaughter’s hand a weak squeeze as her other hand reached up and attempted to take her ventilator off. Adora gently lowered her grandmother’s hand but the woman was insistent, so Adora took the ventilator off as gracefully as she could. She waited for a tense moment, worried that her grandmother would have a hard time breathing and she’d have to shove the mask in her face once more, but Razz continued to take her raspy breaths and so Adora allowed herself to lean back and away. 

A part of Adora wanted to cry. Wanted to scream and shout and throw things around and just be a general whirlwind of destruction. Wanted her hands to tear things apart the way life had been ripping her in two lately. She wanted to tear the tubes out of her grandmother and scoop her tiny body in her arms. She wanted to run back home and let the wind carry her cries away.

But she wouldn’t.

Because she was Adora Griego and she knew the weight behind her family name. When her parents had begun decaying by whatever illness her five-year-old brain couldn’t comprehend, they’d taught her the act of saving face. The importance of being strong for their loved ones who were weak.

When she and Adam had been separated, he hadn’t cried. His six-year-old face had been screwed in determination, his wavering mouth straightening out into a thin line. His trembling hands had tightened into fists and they’d shared a stiff hug. She felt weak for letting a few tears drop when Adam hadn’t shown the same emotions. (She thought she had heard his breathing go ragged but when they’d pulled apart, his breathing was even once more).

Even now, Razz did not let her tears fall. They welled at the corner of her eyes, but there they stayed. Lodged by sheer determination and a strength Adora may never comprehend. 

Her wizened hand— the one that had held Adora’s own as a little girl, the one that used to set the cherry at the top of her milkshakes, the one that would write beautiful cursive— crushed Adora’s. Adora marveled at the feat; it felt like that of a newborn, a fragile hand clutching tightly and stubbornly to whatever they could grasp. Terrified of being let down, unsure of the world they were in. 

She dragged her gaze upwards to meet her grandmother’s. Not a hint of fear was to be found. This was true bravery, Adora decided. To be this defiant in the face of death— there was no one braver than her grandmother.

Razz smiled— a tiny, almost imperceptible thing— and Adora smiled back. A mouth full of broken glass and hollow reassurances. 

* * *

There were dark, thunderous clouds outside the hospital, blanketing all of Bright Moon. Adora almost felt a twinge of gratitude to any higher power that was awake for their thoughtfulness;  to Adora, the Earth seemed to move with her. A whimsical fantasy, she knew, but a semblance of comfort that she desperately needed.

A familiar gray car pulled up next to her and honked the horn in acknowledgment. Mermista rolled down the window and leaned across the center console. “Get in,” she ordered. 

Adora hesitated, but when she felt a light sprinkling hit the back of her neck she decided that an awkward car ride was better than a wet walk. She slid into the passenger seat and buckled herself in. “I need to go to my  _ abuelita’s _ house,” she said, the words slipping out of her mouth while her thoughts swirled around in a haze. “I have to look for some records and organize some stuff.”

Mermista turned down the main road. “I know.”

The car ride was mercifully silent as Mermista focused on driving and Adora looked out the window, watching the rain pound against the pavement. When they reached the opening of Razz’s street, Mermista cleared her throat and Adora braced herself for whatever she was going to say. 

“Did you know my dad taught her to swim when she was, like, forty? He was a cashier at the grocery store when he was younger and they got to talking, you know, the way all old people do.” 

Adora let out a little snort of disbelief, “Your dad isn’t even old. He’s dad-old.”

They pulled into Razz’s driveway and Adora saw a couple of known cars parked on the curb. “Whatever. The point is that he remembers that she was determined. She didn’t give up until she saw it through.” Mermista turned off the car and turned to face Adora. She reached out and squeezed Adora’s shoulder. “She’s going to make it through. And you’re not alone. You have us— all of us. You’ve never stopped being my little.”

The wind raged outside and the rain had moved into a full blown summer storm. Adora mumbled a quick thanks and practically ran out of the car. Too many people had shown Adora pity today and she was growing tired of it. 

The door opened before she could do it herself and Frosta stood in the doorway, blocking Adora’s path. She stared, stunned to find the young girl there, and was accosted by two little arms circling around her waist and a blue head burrowing into her— Frosta’s ear pressed against Adora’s heartbeat. She let go before Adora could react and stepped back to allow her and Mermista inside. 

Her legs felt full of lead as she waded into the house, acutely aware of the raindrops pounding on the roof. It was the only thing she could focus on; the only thing that made sense. The house seemed too bright yet there were dark blots clouding the edges of her vision. As Mermista steered her inside the house, she realized she was shaking. 

Adora veered into the kitchen and saw her friends staring back at her, surrounded by boxes and papers strewn over the table and countertops. Glimmer got up from where she was sitting and pushed a bewildered Adora into the hallway. Adora was surprisingly not upset to find them in her grandmother’s house. She had been half expecting it since she had climbed into Mermista’s car back in front of the hospital. 

“Okay, so I know you’d probably prefer being on your own but then Mermista called and she wanted to know how everybody could help and my mom mentioned that the doctors were asking for Razz’s past records so we all came here and if you want us to go we will, but I really think you shouldn’t be alone right now and—”

“Glimmer,” Adora interrupted, “it’s fine. It’s… Thank you.” She couldn’t tell Glimmer what she was truly feeling because she didn’t really know herself. It was true, Adora would have preferred to be on her own, but she was glad her friends forced their way in too. She wouldn’t have known how to ask for them on her own.

The storm rattled the house, banging at the doors and knocking the wind chimes together. Death was at the door; its cold, clammy hands gripping at the windowsills, peering in to search for someone who was no longer here. Her grandmother was hidden away, safe so long as the spirit stayed mistaken.

Frosta darted out into the living room and came back with two cardboard boxes that obscured her view, causing her to bump into the table. Perfuma reached over and steadied her as she grabbed the boxes from the girl and set them on the chair she vacated. Frosta pushed her out of the way and dug into the boxes, a giggle escaping her when she saw the contents. 

“Glimmer, look!” she cried out delightedly. 

In her hands she held a photograph of a younger Angella and Micah standing in front of the Christmas tree the town hall would set up every December. In the picture Micah struggled to hold a bawling baby in his arms as the child twisted out of his grasp and stretched her arms towards Angella, who wore a strained smile. 

“The happy Hans,” Frosta read out, squinting at the back of the photograph where Adora was positive she’d find her grandmother’s handwriting. The little girl cackled as Glimmer lunged across the table to reach for the incriminating picture, her face a bright red. 

Bow leaned over Frosta’s picture to pick up a different photograph from inside the box. “Hey, check it out! It’s my dads,” Bow laughed brightly, the sound echoing strangely in the lifeless house. “This is Lance before his dreads.”

He flipped the photo around and everyone could see the men in the picture, much younger than they were now. Lance had an afro and wore a hot pink tank top, his arm thrown around an awestruck George who had a hippie, shoulder-length haircut with a matching mustache. 

Everyone rushed to the boxes and they began to dissect its contents. Random photographs being flown in the air like flags of surrender, voices overlapping one another’s and filling the empty crevices Razz left behind. 

“Your dad is a daddy.”

“Mermista, no!” Glimmer howled.

Adora thought she saw legitimate tears forming in Sea Hawk’s eyes.

“Your mom is a MILF.” 

“Perfuma!”

“It’s true, why do you think she keeps getting reelected?” Mermista drawled, winking at Adora. She shot back a feeble smile and leaned against the doorway, soaking in the comforting chaos before her. This was something she knew to navigate; this was something she didn’t have to think twice about. All she had to do was stand around and react. 

Glimmer tilted her head back and crossed her arms. “Because she’s good at her job,” she challenged.

“Well yeah, duh. But also because she’s a total MILF.”

A sharp gasp cut through the cacophony and Frosta stared bug-eyed at whatever picture she held in her hand. Everyone circled around her and Adora saw as each of their faces transformed. Glimmer and Mermista’s once engaged expressions slid into stony facades, Bow and Perfuma looked pained— like they wanted to cry but couldn’t remember how to— Sea Hawk let out a little sniffle as a tear fell down his cheek, and Frosta just stared at Adora— her eyes infinitely older and so full of sorrow that Adora saw the cracks in her irises and stepped forward to fall into them. 

The blue-haired girl handed Adora the photograph and she could feel her whole body tremble, attempting to resist the instinct to look down at it but knowing it was futile all the same. 

It was an old photograph in black-and-white with the edges cracked and yellowed. In it, there was an unsmiling woman with a little girl propped on her hip, the girl’s mouth turned down in a defiant pout. A tiny hand curled around the ear of a familiar-looking toy— one that was currently curled up to the same girl now grown, miles and years away from where they started. 

She felt as her heart stripped itself into thin shreds and was strung up into a makeshift harp. Each pluck sent out a reverberating pain along her chest.

Her parents were dead and buried an ocean away in her paternal family’s cemetery. Adam was lost with nothing but some hazy memories that dwindled every day and his face etched into Adora’s, searing them together while he was lightyears away. Razz was half-gone already and Adora didn’t know whether she should be merciful enough to let the old woman go.

And then there was Catra. 

Her Catra, who was only a city away and perfectly healthy, but Adora knew better. Even when she did come back, there’d be a chasm between them. One Adora had constructed through her own doing.

Adora was alone. So utterly alone. 

She fell over and gripped her knees. “I don’t— I can’t— what am I going to do?” she gasped out. 

Someone rubbed her back soothingly. “What do you mean?” She thought it was Perfuma but she couldn’t be sure. Nothing made any sense anymore and she didn’t know how to tilt her world right-side-up anymore.

“Razz only has me and I’m not enough.”

“That’s bullshit,” Mermista’s voice cracked like a whip in the air, forcing Adora’s head to snap towards her. “You’re full of bullshit.”

Adora gaped at her, her world sharpening into focus as Mermista’s words lanced through her daze. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“I think what Mermista is trying to say,” Bow interjected warily, “Is that you’re wrong. Adora you’re…” He floundered for words and instinctively turned to Glimmer for help.

She jumped in eagerly. “You’re everything to Razz. She thinks you hung the stars in the fucking sky!”

“What happened to the stars?” Adora mumbled faintly, old words echoing through her head and memories forming in her mind. 

Glimmer barreled forward. “Adora, you’re so stupid sometimes,” she whispered, fond and fierce and so very sisterly. She kneeled by Adora’s side, opposite of a now still Perfuma, and took Adora’s face in her hands, staring at her with an intensely tender look on her face. She was all Angella at that moment. “We’re here because we care. About you  _ and _ Razz. Don’t you see, Adora? You’re not alone.”

She felt her jaw unhinge and the sobs she had bottled up all day came spilling out, each one becoming increasingly louder until they wove themselves with the thunder that rumbled outside. She cried for Adam and for her parents and for Razz and for her own unlived life. She cried and cried and cried until there was nothing left in her to give. Knowing that her friends would be there to catch every tear that leaked out. Trusting that her friends would be there to catch _her_.

* * *

Nightfall was upon Adora as she sat on the tree stump outside of the First Ones’ Ruins. The storm had stopped a few hours ago and her friends left some time after. Glimmer and Bow had offered to come with her, but it had been a long day filled with too many people and Adora just wanted to be with her thoughts for a while. She knew she’d have people waiting for her when she returned.

She was peering up at the sky, attempting to track any stars she might come across, when she heard rustling in the bushes to her right. Adora looked over nonchalantly; she supposed she should have been more alarmed considering she was out here with nothing to defend herself with, but the quiet atmosphere of the Whispering Woods after the storm calmed her. No harm would come to her here. Not in Razz’s sacred backyard.

A familiar voice spit out expletives and Catra fell out into the clearing, landing on her knees into the muddy earth. Adora felt her mouth twitch and she walked over to the brunette, gently tugging her upwards onto her feet. She didn’t let go once Catra was done cleaning herself off, instead choosing to bring the shorter girl closer to herself by pulling at her elbows. Catra melted into her and tilted her head back to look into her eyes. 

“Hey, Adora.”

Her mouth twitched again, faint but still present. “What are you doing here?”

“Glimmer texted me. She told me what happened and I asked Scorpia to bring me back.”

“You came back… for me?”

Catra shrugged, her eyes darting to the trees behind Adora. “Seemed like you needed someone.”

Adora felt a lump in her throat and tears began forming at the edges of her eyes. She tried to swallow but found it too difficult. “Can I—“ God, she couldn’t even push out a sentence. “Can I hug you?”

Catra shifted unevenly and Adora moved to step back, but she felt Catra’s slim arms slide around Adora’s waist, her head head coming to rest in the crook of Adora’s neck.

“I’m scared,” Adora admitted, her mouth by Catra’s ear.

Catra tightened her hold on Adora and brushed her lips against Adora’s irregular pulse. “She’s going to be fine,” she assured, her voice quiet but overwhelmingly loud against the unnatural silence of the still woods.

Adora closed her eyes and buried her face in Catra’s hair. It smelled like strawberries and the pangs from before made themselves known once more. “We don’t know that.”

Catra leaned back and lifted her hands to the sides of Adora’s face, rubbing her thumbs along Adora’s jawline. “The hospital called Angella. Razz is going to be fine. She’s going to come home.” 

Adora let out a fragile, relieved smile and cradled Catra face close to hers, foreheads pressed against one another as they swayed together under the trees that guarded over them. There was so much happiness bubbling within her that she didn’t know what to do with herself. She felt like she had her world at her fingertips 

She tilted her head and swooped down, pressing a light kiss to the corner of Catra’s mouth. Purposeful and scared, yet sure. She wanted Catra and Catra wanted her. 

Adora felt Catra’s hands slide down to her neck and play with the hairs on the nape of her neck. She leaned back, not letting go of Catra’s face, and stared at her. Catra looked confused and hopeful, her eyes glazed over as she peered back, not really seeing Adora but making an effort to keep their eyes locked. Adora gulped and she licked her lips nervously, seeing Catra’s eyes fall to her lips with a determined tilt to her mouth. 

“I can’t right now,” Adora said, hoping Catra would understand without having to make Adora spell it out. “But I’ll be ready soon. Wait for me?”

A shadow of disappointment flew over Catra’s face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “Of course,” was the hoarse reply. 

They stood there for a while, swaying along with the trees, gripping at each other to stay tethered. The summer storm had rolled in a new wave of air, a fresh breeze that ran through the trees, whispers of a lighter future crooning in Adora’s ears. She let the sharp air fill her lungs and hoped Catra could hear how her heart steadied; easing itself for what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys probably don’t care but I’ll share anyway. This whole fic initially started off because I was on the verge of sleep and I thought of a piece of dialogue that I thought would fit Casta perfectly (it was the one where she got offended after Adora said she wasn’t technically part of the family). This fic was supposed to be a cute little thing on Catra and Adora falling in love with each other over the summer.
> 
> Then a few days after I started outlining, I was in the car with my family and I was listening to my music when [Everything I Know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_W48LYQqCM) came on. That then spawned the side plot concerning Razz and while I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it justice, I decided to pursue it anyway. My own grandparents can’t speak English and they can’t read— even if it’s in Spanish— so they probably will never know that I created this fic with them in my hearts every time I wrote Razz. 
> 
> I’ve taken these words and tried to make sense of them and hope I’ve presented something whole. We’re almost there— thank you for staying along.
> 
> Bendiciones (si crees en eso. Si no, muchas gracias y mucho amor)


	6. a sunday kind of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop. it's been a hot minute, hasn't it?

Adora could feel her long summer days slipping through her fingers, the threat of school lingering over her head like the sharp blade of a guillotine. 

For the past two weeks, Adora had suffered a constant headache. The stress she felt swirling within her beat behind her eyes, a constant thump of worries. 

Her abuelita was back home, better but not well. She had returned thinner and weaker than she had left, her hands shaky and her breathing shallow and raspy. There were times she had trouble breathing, where she would sit up and wheeze, her eyes widening and darting around frantically until they settled on Adora. She would reach up and pat her chest, right over her heart, and Adora would have to scramble aside and let the nurse Angella and Micah hired rush over. On the few occasions that happened, Adora had to step out of the room to piece together whatever composure she had left and wipe away the tears that pooled in her eyes. 

Her grandmother was alive by her own force of will. That and the oxygen concentrator plugged in by her bed. It was a noisy box with a constant hum that stayed in Adora’s head long after it was turned off. Whenever Adora spent the nights (to be there on the nurse’s days off), she had to blast classical music dangerously loud into her headphones to doze off. 

(But that just made her think of the ballet recital she went to and of Catra. Most days she fell asleep with an aching heart and dazed dreams of long, curly hair fanning out behind a wildly graceful spinning Catra.) 

The hottest days of summer were really on them now and blackouts were a real threat. The days were long and suffocating. The heat had steadily climbed and kept everyone prisoners indoors, searching for cool mercy. Adora’s shirts clung to her uncomfortably, her forehead often too warm and her throat too dry. She was constantly enveloped in a steady stream of drowsiness that refused to dissipate when she laid in bed, her comforter too hot and the strange tension between her and Catra too pronounced to sleep comfortably. 

Catra had been giving Adora a wide berth since that night in the woods. At first, Adora thought it was because she was a wreck. Even with all of her friends’ reassurances, she found it very hard to accept the help they offered. 

But night after night, they laid out stiffly beside one another, Adora staring up at the ceiling and acutely aware of every time Catra so much as twitched. Fruitlessly thinking of how easy it would be to reach over and take Catra’s hand.

But she couldn’t. 

Even now, draped across the sofa by herself, she felt the familiar prick of tears and had to frustratedly rub at her eyes with the palms of her hands. She let out a long sigh and listened to the stillness of the house. Micah and Angella were out for their monthly date night and Casta was at her studio. Glimmer had gone to drop off Frosta and mentioned something about dropping by Bow’s, which meant she’d be out for the rest of the evening. Leaving Adora alone at home.

With Catra. 

Who was upstairs, shuffling around their shared room with her music echoing faintly down the stairs. Adora absentmindedly tapped along with Catra’s music and tried to guess the song playing. 

She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. There was so much to do and not enough time. She needed to fill up her car’s tank and wash it. She needed to start her summer reading. She needed to talk to Catra. She needed to head over to Razz’s and check in on her. She really needed to shower. 

She groaned as she sat up sluggishly, her arm dangling listlessly over the back of the sofa. She sat and blinked at nothing for a while, struggling to actually get up and move. 

The sudden darkness and the quietening of the a/c’s hum had her quickly standing. 

“What the fuck?”

Adora ran to the bottom of the staircase. “Are you okay?” she called up worriedly. 

She heard Catra step out of their room and saw her appear at the top of the stairs, Melog sauntering by her feet. “Yeah. What the fuck happened?”

Adora shrugged. “Blackout. Probably ‘cause of the heat.”

Catra grunted and leaned against the banister. “What now?”

Adora felt stupid as she shrugged again. 

“Great. This is perfect. Thanks a lot.”

Adora’s eyes narrowed on their own, her headache clouding her thoughts. “It’s not like I planned this,” she said, the corners of her lips tugging into a frown. “It’s not like I’d want to be stuck with you,” she muttered waspishly. 

Catra straightened and when Adora blinked, her mismatched eyes bore into Adora’s, Catra’s face inches away from her own. 

_She must have flown down the stairs_ , Adora thought numbly.

“What did you say?” Catra hissed.

Adora’s spine snapped into place and she leaned into Catra, her mouth moving without permission. “I _said_ , I wouldn’t want to be stuck with you.”

Catra sneered. “You’ve made that very clear.”

“I’ve made that clear? You’re the one avoiding me!”

“I came back for you!”

“I don’t know what that means!” 

Adora’s righteous anger had morphed into desperate cries, the tears from earlier surfacing again. She felt like Catra was speaking a different language. She was saying something and it was clearly important but Adora didn’t know what it meant and Catra was making no effort to translate. Adora felt as helpless as she did when she started learning Spanish for her grandmother back in the seventh grade.

Her grandmother.

Adora felt the blood drain from her face.

Her grandmother. The one who was sick.

She took a step back and reached for the wall.

Her grandmother. The one dependent on the oxygen concentrator.

She saw Catra’s face, blurred and worried. Her voice sounded miles away and the hand on Adora’s arm was practically nonexistent.

The oxygen concentrator that needed electricity to run.

“Fuck,” she breathed. “I have to go.”

She turned and slid down the hallway, her sock-clad feet both helping and hindering her journey out of the house. She practically threw the front door of its hinges, so forceful were her actions. 

“Adora, your shoes!”

She barrelled forward, Catra’s call echoing emptily behind her. The sprinklers must have just finished their cycle, her socks dampening as she crossed the front lawn. 

The sun had set, the moon was out, her grandmother was alone, and the electricity was gone. The thing she needed to breathe. 

Oh god. Oh fuck. Oh god. 

Her trembling clammy hands struggled to turn the rusty old doorknob. Fuck. She knew she should have asked Bow’s dads to replace it. 

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

She rammed her shoulder into the door and stumbled through as it swung open. Catra kept calling her name behind her, far enough that Adora could pretend to ignore her as she scrambled down the hallway. 

The house was eerily quiet, the pale moonlight slipping in through the curtains and casting shadowy silhouettes in the corners. Adora floated down the hallway casting a wide-eyed glance at herself in the mirror by the hall. A shiver ran down her spine when she saw her reflection and she had to cut her gaze away. She looked pale and skeletal, the lack of light distorting her face and emphasizing the bags under her eyes. 

Most of all she looked transparent. A shell of Adora Griego meant to haunt the crowded corners of her abuelita’s house. 

She pushed those thoughts away as she slid into her grandmother’s room. The relief washed through her instantly. Her grandmother wasn’t dead on the bed. No pale, sunken face to haunt Adora’s nightmares here.

In fact, her grandmother wasn’t in the room at all.

Her spine cracked in two as she leaned over, hands braced against her knees as she struggled to take in lungfuls of air. 

Tattered converse stepped into view, the shoelaces undone and barely visible in the dark room. A tentative hand settled on her back, rubbing soothing ovals over and over. 

“Catra, I can’t— I don’t— what do I do?” Her mind was racing too quickly to focus on just one thing and her breathing was beginning to go shallow. Something was hurting inside her chest; her heart was beating faster than usual, like when she overworked herself at a game. Was it supposed to constrict like that? She wanted to throw up. What was that salty feeling on her lips? 

“—ra. Adora! Listen to me, I think you’re having a panic attack. Shit, hold on.”

Catra pulled her phone out and started typing, her brows furrowed in concentration. 

“Stay calm,” she mumbled, “I can do that.” Her eyes scanned her phone, thumb scrolling rapidly until she finally looked up at Adora. “How can I help?”

Adora shook her head. She couldn’t breathe, she could hardly talk. She just raised her shaking hands and hoped Catra knew what Adora was asking for. 

She did. She put her phone in her back pocket and took Adora’s hands, raising them to cradle her face. She slowly stepped into Adora’s space and pressed their foreheads together. “Do you want to breathe with me?”

Adora nodded quickly, wincing when their heads bumped together.

“Okay, let’s do it together, yeah?” She rubbed her thumbs over Adora’s hands and took a deep breath, nodding at Adora to follow her lead. They held it in for a few seconds and then Adora felt a whoosh of air against her collarbone as Catra exhaled. Adora let out a steady stream of air as she sunk into Catra, her limbs loosening slightly.

They continued the exercise for a while longer before Adora dropped her hands from Catra’s face and took a step back, nodding resolutely. “I think I feel better now. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Adora swallowed harshly, no longer panicked but still very much worried. “Catra, I don’t know where she is,” she whispered distressedly. 

“I’ll help you find her.” Catra reached out and squeezed Adora’s hand. “She’s going to be okay.”

Adora clenched her jaw and looked out the window. The moon was full and ethereal, it’s light illuminating the treetops and painting the woods in a warm glow. Something clicked into place.

“I know where she is.”

* * *

Adora stumbled through the woods, hands in front of her, pushing away branches and tripping over roots. The darkness was too obfuscating to clearly see what was in front of her. 

A slight breeze had begun to swirl, chasing the unbearable heat away and settling into the night with a chill. Heavy footsteps followed behind her, a worried voice spitting out curses every now and then as Catra struggled to keep up. Adora’s heart still threatened to beat out of her chest, her nerves and exertion mixing and blending until she wasn’t sure what she felt. 

She crashed through the branches as she reached Mara’s ruins, heaving in relief when she saw her grandmother sitting on the stump in front of the clubhouse. The old woman didn’t turn her head, but she must have heard Adora’s heavy breathing behind her. 

“The stars are out tonight.”

Her grandmother wasn’t wearing her glasses, but her eyes were wide and clear-- brightly lit with constellations reflected in them. She blinked solemnly, never once taking her eyes off of the stars shining down upon Bright Moon. 

A silent tear rolled down her cheek and Adora had to look away, her chest inexplicably heavy but her head dizzyingly light. She bit down on her lip and looked up at the sky. 

“They’re beautiful, _abuelita_ ,” she whispered. Her voice quivered, her breathing unsteady, but she could talk and that’s all that mattered.

She could sense Catra’s eyes on her. Adora knew that if she looked at her, she’d break. So she looked out to the trees and willed her body into submission. 

She breathed in deeply through her nose and turned her head in her grandmother’s general direction. “Are you cold? Want me to get you a blanket?”

Her Abuelita Razz didn’t respond. It seemed like she hadn’t even heard Adora. She was so engrossed in what twinkled above. Her lips moved slightly, wrapping themselves around words Adora couldn’t decipher from where she stood. 

She cleared her throat and looked down at the space between herself and Catra. There was about an arm’s length of room between them and Adora could so vividly see herself reaching out and closing the gap.

Her arms stayed firmly at her side, hands clenched into fists. 

“I’m going to get some stuff from inside,” she spoke quietly. “Want me to get you anything?”

“No, I’m good,” Catra lied. Adora could tell she was cold by the way she wrapped her arms around herself. 

Adora hummed in response and shoved her thumbs into her pockets. “Can you do me a favor? Can you look after her until I come back?”

Catra nodded. “Sure.”

“Cool. Thanks.”

Adora forced herself to turn around and briskly walked back down the path she had torn through earlier. She stumbled over an overgrown root and took out her phone from her back pocket, illuminating the floor in front of her. The leaves gave a satisfying crunch under her feet and the crickets and cicadas created a symphony to ease Adora. The wind breezed by, caressing her hair and cooling her hot skin. She felt young, sure-footed, and unafraid. 

She stepped into Razz’s house through the back door and moved down the hallway into her grandmother’s room. She grabbed a light blanket from the foot of her grandmother’s bed and rummaged through her closet for a jacket. She was halfway entrenched in the closet when she heard a thump at the front door. 

She cautiously peeked her head out into the hallway and waited. It could’ve been nothing more than a figment of her imagination. 

Or it could have been a murderer. 

There was another thump and this time she heard a high-pitched whining. 

She could turn and run back where her abuelita and Catra were in the woods. Or she could protect her grandmother’s home and live forever in the memory of Bright Moon’s citizens. Maybe she’d get a blurb in the _Bright Moon Gazette_ , although knowing her luck she’d probably get overshadowed by something ridiculous like the newest _Mermystery_ book or a talking horse. The universe _would_ conspire to spite her like that. 

She grabbed a bulky lamp and headed towards the door, her arms already tired of holding the lamp up. Her steps stuttered when she realized there were two voices on the other side. 

She raised the lamp with one hand and used the other to open the door.

“Adora!”

If not for her reflexes honed in years of lacrosse practices, the lamp would have crashed to the floor. “Bow? Glimmer? What are you guys doing here?”

Glimmer shouldered past her and stood with her arms akimbo. “You don’t pick up your phone, you’re not at home, there’s no electricity-- it’s like you want to star in a true-crime podcast.” She looked at Adora up and down thoughtfully. “You fit the descriptions. Basic white girl that’s loved by her town? Prime victim.”

Adora pouted. “I’m not basic.”

“ _Oh_ -kay, we’re getting off-topic here,” Bow interjected. “Adora, why didn’t you pick up your phone?” 

“Oh.” She looked down at her phone and only just then noticed the ‘no service’ sitting on the upper right corner. “I don’t have service.”

Glimmer shook her head unsympathetically. “That’s what you get for being on a sucky plan.”

“We’re on the same plan.”

“Yeah, I know, and it sucks.”

Bow shifted and so did Adora’s attention. He was wearing a windbreaker. A red one with Bright Moon High School’s logo on it and a small tear in the shoulder from the time they visited a haunted house and Bow got caught by a loose nail in the doorway. 

“I need that.”

He looked down at it and back up at her. He raised an eyebrow but began taking it off anyway. “Why?”

She bit her tongue and darted a glance at Glimmer before taking the windbreaker from Bow’s outstretched hand. “Catra’s kind of cold,” she mumbled.

Glimmer’s hands flew into the air and she threw her head back to groan. “Of course! I should have known!”

Glimmer sighed and set her hands on her hips. She gave Adora a long searching stare and Adora was silently grateful that the blackout hid her burning face. 

Her foster sister pointed a finger at Adora. “Madame Razz is your number one priority. Got it?” she asked sternly.

Adora scowled. “I know that,” she bit out. 

It stung some, to think that Glimmer didn’t trust her to keep her grandmother safe. She was trying her best.

Bow stepped up and placed a hand on Glimmer’s shoulder. They shared a quick, nonverbal conversation that used a lot of eyebrows and mouth ticks. Adora rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently. 

It ended with Glimmer slumping her shoulders and waving a half-hearted flippant hand in Bow’s triumphant face. She faced Adora guiltily. “Sorry,” she muttered. “Just… take care of each other.”

Adora nodded numbly and the three of them stood there awkwardly. The windbreaker began slipping and Adora had to crouch down to set the lamp on the floor and throw the jacket over her shoulder. 

When she stood up she was enveloped by her two best friends in an impromptu hug. She tried to maneuver her arms out to pat them in return. Adora was pretty sure Bow was sniffling into her shoulder. Glimmer kept petting her hair and trying to rock them all back and forth. 

“Umm… thank you?” 

Glimmer pulled back and Bow gave her one last squeeze before stepping back as well, his eyes shining suspiciously bright. 

“We’re just so happy you’re happy,” he said. 

“Oh. Me too.”

Glimmer rolled her eyes and pushed Bow out the front door. “Okay, we’re leaving now. I’m glad we all know how to handle emotions here.” 

Adora heard Bow’s spluttering protests even after the door had shut behind them. 

* * *

Adora approached the clearing, steady steps bringing her closer to where she could hear her grandmother talking, her words coming out strong and wrong. 

No, not wrong-- different. 

Her words all strung together, some letters dropping every now and then until a sentence just became one giant blended word. 

Catra’s responses were slower, her vowels rounder and the consonants rolling off of her tongue clumsily. Like she was struggling to find the right words to use. 

And it was all in Spanish.

Catra was sitting on the ground by Razz’s feet while the older woman gestured towards the sky, her hands painting broad strokes across the dark canvas so Catra could see what she saw. She kept pointing upwards and tracing patterns only visible to a practiced eye. 

“ _Ahí ‘stá_ _Cassiopeia_. _O ‘la mejor ‘sta all_ _á. No recuerdo_ ,” she said softly. Her brows were knitted in concentration and her mouth slipped into a frown.

Catra nodded along reassuringly. “ _Pues, como sea, se mira bonito._ ” 

“ _Si_ ,” interjected Adora. She held out her hand and Catra took it as she rose from the ground. Adora grinned and handed her Bow’s windbreaker, letting herself fall into Catra’s lovely solemn eyes. “ _Muy bonito._ ” 

Catra shook her head. “ _Bonita_ ,” she corrected exasperatedly, if not shyly.

“Who said I was talking about you?” Adora responded cheekily.

She snorted at Catra’s scoff, taking in her near imperceptible rosy cheeks, and neared her grandmother, who had finally turned away from the stars and gazed up at Adora with glistening eyes, her thin mouth wobbling into a smile. 

Adora reached out and tucked a stray hair behind her grandmother’s ear. She seemed so small and delicate, sitting under the blanket of stars she had missed so much. Her hair was wispy and thinning, her ear soft and cool to the touch. 

Adora saw her abuelita and she liked to think she was seen back.

“ _‘stoy muy orgullosa de ti._ ”

Adora smiled softly, her chest warming and her heart steady and content. “I’m proud of you too.”

She took the blanket and fanned it out, placing it over her grandmother’s shoulders so that she wore it like a cape, tucking the edges into her elbows’ crevices. Adora stepped back and Catra followed, her shoulder pressing in firmly against Adora’s. Her hand brushed against Adora’s own and it was so easy to slot their fingers together. So Adora did. 

_It’s funny_ , she thought, _how easily their hands fit together_. There wasn’t a sliver of space between them.

She leaned into Catra, tilting her head down into the other girl’s sweet-smelling curls. “Can we talk?” she murmured.

Catra stiffened next to her but made no effort to move away. “Here?”

Adora tugged her to the edge of the clearing, by the looming trees and with Razz’s back to them as she continued to moon over the lit night sky. 

They came to a standstill, their hands still swinging softly between them, both unwilling to break this small point of connection. 

“So,” Adora started. “We should probably talk, right?”

Catra shrugged half-heartedly, looking down at the floor. “I guess so.”

Adora felt a familiar frustration rise, her face scrunching in annoyance. 

“You’ve been acting weird and I don’t get it. I thought we were-- I thought maybe-- Why aren’t we okay?”

“I don’t know.”

At Adora’s exasperated huff and subsequent eye roll, Catra threw her hands up in frustration.

“Look, you’ve got a lot going on, okay?” She threw a quick glance over her shoulder, lowering her voice so Razz wouldn’t hear. “Your grandma went to the hospital. You’re stressed out 24/7. I just… didn’t want to get in your way.”

Adora’s mouth opened and closed fruitlessly. “But, I like it when you’re in my way.” 

At Catra’s raised eyebrow she felt her cheeks flush and hurried to fix her slip. “I mean, I like spending time with you. I like being around you. I like… you.” 

Catra blinked and Adora wished the ground would swallow her whole. What was she, a prepubescent boy? With Bow’s cracking voice and Glimmer’s emotional constipation? 

“I like you too.”

Adora swore the stars shone brighter and the earth stood still. 

“That’s cool,” she choked out.

Catra rolled her eyes. “Don’t be weird about it.”

“I’m not!” Adora squeaked, trying her best to act normal. Was she blinking too much? How often did she normally blink?

“Dude, fix your face.”

“Sorry.”

Catra sighed heavily, rubbing her free hand over her face. “This just complicates things,” she growled.

“No! How?”

“Because, Adora, are either of us actually ready for a relationship? We’ve both got a lot of shit going on.”

Adora scratched the back of her neck. “Well, maybe you’re right. But I want to try. Don’t you?”

Catra stared at her, mouth set in a faint scowl while her thumb rubbed lazy circles over Adora’s hand. 

“I don’t want you to regret it.”

“I won’t,” Adora vowed. In a fit of madness, she brought up her hand between them and raised her pinkie. “I promise.”

Catra’s mouth slid into a tentative smile, her nose crinkling in delight. “You idiot,” she huffed fondly.

Adora’s wide smile hurt her cheeks. A rush of adrenaline shot through her and propelled her forward. She let go of Catra’s hand and cradled her face, leaning down to press her forehead against Catra’s. The shorter girl reached up to grasp Adora’s wrists, her eyes blown wide and the stars twinkling within them. 

Adora’s lips brushed the corner of Catra’s. “ _Bésame_ ,” she whispered.

She felt Catra’s sharp intake of breath against her cheek. “I didn’t teach you that,” she gasped. The smirk she tried to pull lacked it’s usual cocky slant. “Taking lessons elsewhere, Adora?”

“Google translate.”

Adora found no better way to stop Catra’s squeaky laughter than by kissing her.

Their first kiss was soft and slow. It felt surreal, to hold Catra close and to feel her smile slide against Adora’s lips. Catra’s arms glided over Adora’s shoulders, pulling her down and closer. One of her hands found itself in Adora’s hair, blunt nails lightly scratching her scalp and she melted even further into Catra. She had to hold onto the shorter girl’s waist, fingers digging in harder than she intended to stay upright. She felt weightless, her head blissfully silent and her surroundings comfortably quiet. 

There were stars above them and fireflies around them and there was Catra, glowing before Adora’s eyes with lights dancing in her eyes. 

“Thank you.”

Catra blinked. “For the kiss? You’re welcome.”

Adora smiled, slow and syrupy. “For being here. For caring.”

Catra shifted and shrugged, her eyes darting behind Adora nervously. “A lot of people care about you.”

“I know, but I’m thanking you.”

Catra’s nails scratched the base of Adora’s neck, a gentle rake that sent shivers down Adora’s spine. “You’re welcome.”

They stood there a while longer, at the center of the earth exchanging soft kisses that tethered them together. And when their heads were too dizzy with happiness to continue, they loped back to Razz and listened as she recounted stories about the old gods that ran across the sky, racing to get back home and leaving trails of stars in their wake. 

* * *

Two weeks later they were sitting on the couch, Adora’s arm draped over Catra’s shoulder as the brunette leaned into her, occasionally feeding Adora popcorn from the bowl she had on her lap. (Not so much feeding as she was shoving handfuls of popcorn into Adora’s mouth.)

The last two weeks had been filled with soft kisses, wandering hands, exaggerated gags from Glimmer, worried glances from the adults, and a constant backache Adora had developed from sleeping on the inflatable bed Micah got out from the garage. She was given the option to either sleep on the air mattress in her room with the door open or share a room with Glimmer, and Adora chose the lesser of two evils. 

Catra and Casta were leaving the next morning, Casta’s house finally finished and ready for inhabitants again. So Adora and Catra were making the most of their last night by watching dumb rom-coms and eating all the snacks in the pantry. 

“Wait, so she’s dead?”

“Mhmm.”

“...why?”

Adora cocked her head. “What do you mean? Why is she dead?”

“No, I got that part. Why is this considered romantic?”

“Because… their love changed him.”

Catra sniffed and burrowed further into Adora’s side. “This movie is pretty stupid.”

Adora kissed her crown of curls and hummed. She didn’t really have any strong opinions on the movie because she hadn’t really spent much time watching it. While the movie had played, Adora had spent most of that time studying Catra-- noting her tics and twitches and eye rolls and scoffs and the occasional disdainful sniff. Catra liked to complain; she complained about the dialogue and the actors and the plot and even on things as unremarkable as the scenery and costume choices. And Adora loved hearing every second of it. 

She liked how strongly Catra felt about things, how she felt comfortable around Adora to let her thoughts fly out so easily. Adora had never felt a love this freeing since she was a child.

The credits faded and they were left staring at the black screen, their reflections staring back at them. They looked good pressed up together, blonde hair cascading and crashing against brown waves. 

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Adora traced the tip of Catra’s ear with his fingers, deliberately not meeting her girlfriend’s eyes. “And you’re just now telling me? Some girlfriend you are.”

Catra’s bony elbows dug in hard into Adora’s side. “You’re not funny.”

“A lot of people find me hilarious.” 

“Well they don’t have to date you.”

“Nope. That honor is all yours.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Another thing Adora learned to love about Catra: she never really says what she means but Adora knows anyway. She’s learned a new language just for Catra-- a new language all about Catra. 

“We’ll be okay,” she assured Catra. “Mystacor is basically right next door. We’re practically neighbors.”

Catra huffed. “Just… don’t forget me or whatever.”

Adora’s eyes softened and she gently turned Catra to face her. “Never,” she promised.

How could she? Catra had barged into her life and had carved out a place for herself deep in Adora’s heart, never to be displaced or dislodged. Adora would hand this girl her heart on a toothpick if she asked. This brilliant girl who was too smart for her own good and who was more gremlin than human some days, popping into rooms with a snarky remark at the ready and an overflow of mischief curling her lips. 

It was too early in their relationship, but Adora could feel three certain honey-dipped words pool on her tongue and threatening to spill out. 

They had time. Adora would let them fall one day. 

As Catra leaned up to kiss her, Adora saw stars behind her eyelids and embraced the burn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for sticking with it and thank you to each and every one of you that have left comments. they really make my day. 
> 
> let me know what you think


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